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Wednesday, June 20, 2007

The Diary of How I Survived 2 Weeks Confinement - Days 1 to 6


i've been meaning to write blog entries chronicling every single day of when i'm apart for the very first time from alfiyan - for 14 whole days, but i never got around to it till now simply because our last entry was his and a mere glimpse of it might just trigger the waterworks.

thank god it's gotten easier now. easier, but not necessarily EASY. i still cry at some point every day. a friend (who's undergoing the exact same thing i am right now) says it's silly for me to waste my tears like that, but i guess she's a lot stronger than me emotionally. it's just not the same for everyone, is it?

so many people have warned me that the first few weeks would be rough, but i never took heed of their words because i thought that the relationship i have with alfiyan is different - that we're strong. but boy was i wrong. it IS hard, harder than i ever thought it would be. and don't get me started on the aching pain of emptiness that i'm feeling in my heart right now. i could go on and on (as i have with a couple of my friends) but nothing makes it feel any less painful.

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so let's move on shall we? days one to six, in chronological order:

Day 1

i reached alfiyan's house at 7am, and after all the last minute packing and breakfast, alfiyan's mom drove us over to pasir ris bus interchange, where we were shuttled to SAF ferry terminal, from which we were ferried to pulau tekong. i was pleased that everything looked new, since it meant that alfiyan will be housed and fed in pretty decent conditions.

at this point i was still just savouring the moments with alfiyan (and his family, of course) so i was rather calm. the sadness started seeping in during the oath-taking ceremony for the new recruits. that was when i realised that alfiyan really was going to be away for a while, and he's going to undergo a tremendous change during that period. and that's something i DON'T want to happen because i love him just the way he is.

during the food tasting session i spotted a girlfriend sobbing on the shoulders of her boyfriend, and i pointed them out to alfiyan. he said, 'thank god we got that done and over with yesterday, right syg?' and all i did was nod. but i didn't agree. my tears weren't done and over with then, but i just swallowed them in and showed a brave face to alfiyan because i knew that was what he needed - to know that i'll be okay.

a brief hug and peck on alfiyan's cheek marked our separation. the tears started only after i parted from alfiyan's family at pasir ris - it just went on and on and on from pasir ris mrt station all the way to my home at woodlands. i found myself at a loss on how to handle my newfound solitude so i did the only thing i knew - look for people to talk to. thanks especially to zurah and ella, who have always been there for me to talk to online. :)

that got me through most of the day. that, and alfiyan's call at about 4 plus telling me he's okay and that he's missing me lots. at night, we talked for about half an hour, i think half of which was spent with him hearing me sob and not knowing what to do. i'm such a crybaby, i know.

i did not eat lunch or dinner.

Day 2

alfiyan called me at about 530am, telling me that he was heading for morning exercises.

i woke up at about 8am, but forced myself to go back to sleep with the hopes of making my day as short as humanly possible. it was not to be because i was wide-eyed and clearheaded by 930am. i am embarrassed to admit that i was still pretty much a tearful mess then, so i put on as many layers of thickness as possible onto my face and smsed adilah, a good friend whom i have not been keeping in contact regularly and sometimes even blown off because i've been too busy with alfiyan.

i'm really blessed to have a friend like her - she was there for me throughout the morning and all the way till about 4 plus, distracting me from my grief with silly little stories which made me laugh and cheered me up instantly. we also made plans to meet up once she received her pay, as i did with anusha (to go shopping and beach!). knowing that i had something to look forward to in the coming two weeks had me smiling even more. :)

at 5.00pm my sisters and i headed down to jog and cycle - which did wonders in making me feel better, too, actually. i guess what they say about exercise, endorphins and happiness is really true, eh?

alfiyan called at 1230pm, 630pm and 10pm, which was SO GREAT. it was all in all a pretty awesome improvement from day 1, and i remember telling alfiyan that i hoped such high spirits will last all the way till 28th june.

i did not eat dinner.

Day 3

alfiyan called at 10plus in the morning, apologising for not being able to call at 530am as usual because they were not allowed to wake up too early in order to benefit from as much sleep as they can possibly get.

i woke up, did housework, and did light weights training in my room. i had vowed to myself that i would do everything i could to lose at least a couple of kgs while alfiyan's away, since he's likely to be in better shape himself. alfiyan called during lunch and we talked for a couple of minutes before he had to go again.

it was only after i had taken my shower that my mom said that our father's day plans were not going to happen after all, which left me depressed since i had been hoping for it to make the third day pass by faster.

thank god my friends were there for me again. i smsed arisya and halimah, and met up with them in town. it was really cool catching up with them - i used to spend tons of time with arisya and halimah back in J1 since all three of us used to be in the percussion section of the band. they're both looking great, btw. hehe.

alfiyan only called at 1020pm (apparently he had such a busy day signing up for rifles and whatnot, and were assigned toilet cleaning duties), but i was still in the mrt then. that got alfiyan pissed off because he's not too keen with me going home late alone. he hung up on me, i cried, he lectured, i cried some more, but eventually we made things right as always.

i drank a cup of milo throughout the entire day.

Day 4

alfiyan called at 6plus in the morning, saying that he was headed for another round of toilet cleaning duties.

i woke up at 10plus, and proceeded with my usual household chores.

at 1pm, alfiyan called saying that he had just eaten and was free for an entire hour before they had to start with their running training. that was the greatest one hour (or more like 45 minutes) since alfiyan booked in - we talked like we usually did when he's home and that made me sooo happy i felt like my face was glowing.

such elation fueled me with enough determination to train for almost two hours - a fulfilling two hours, i must say, although it left my muscles and joints aching even more than they had in the morning. that occupied most of my afternoon, after which i joined my siblings in watching the last half hour of some indonesian horror movie on suria.

i cycled to my tuition venue. BIG mistake, btw - there were so many ascending slopes! i was huffing and puffing barely halfway through and perspiring like mad. on the way back home, i gave up (because my stamina was too poor plus my thighs were burning like hell from the afternoon's exercises as well) and walked my bicycle home. how sad is that?

alfiyan called when i was still having tuition. poor guy was so exhausted from running, but he still waited for me to reach home and talked to me for at least 15 minutes before going to bed.

i ate two mango slices and a donut that day.

Day 5

alfiyan called at 6plus saying that he was just done with breakfast.

i was woken up by halimah's sms at 840am saying that i was needed to help arisya surprise shahid for his birthday. i folded laundry, hung laundry and did the dishes before getting ready and walking to admiralty to meet arisya. admiralty because arisya said that streetdirectory.com said it was the closest mrt station to block 844 - NOT TRUE. block 844 is like ten minutes' walk from my house, which is closer to woodlands. but oh, well. i made such a useless woodlands guide because we had to walk for almost half an hour looking for that block to pick up arisya's cupcakes.

then we met halimah at woodlands. arisya left to meet shahid at raffles place (leaving the cupcakes with us), and halimah and i window shopped at causeway point and had lunch at banquet. we were an hour late in surprising arisya and shahid at the Singapore Botanic Gardens because we got lost halfway TO the place and IN the Gardens itself. it was all great, though, because halimah and i talked like we've never done in at least a year and i was enjoying the increased heart rate and perspiration from all the walking.

after the surprise, halimah and i headed to PS and bras basah complex (walking all the way, mind you!) looking for stuff for her brother. i had so much fun! the best thing was, that was most of my day already spent (enjoyably, too!) - all i had to do was head on home, have a good old relaxing shower and wait for my darling to call to just complete a perfect day.

or so i thought. something went wrong in the middle of my conversation with alfiyan, and we argued really badly. it was worse than usual from knowing that i won't be meeting alfiyan the next day to make things better. but alfiyan (as i have mentioned time and time again), being the bestestestest boyfriend ever, sacrificed a whole hour of his sleeping time just to make things right again. and for that, i will always love him very very much because i know he does me, too, otherwise why would he even bother risking falling asleep during training the next day just for me right?

i ate chicken at the end of the day.

Day 6

alfiyan called at 6plus as usual, after breakfast.

i took my time getting up since i knew i had absolutely zero plans for today. i did the laundry, vacuumed the house, etc. i spent hours and hours in front of the tv with my laptop, organising photos that i want to develop and searching high and low for sweet little love quotes and poems to be compiled into the scrapbook i'm HOPEFULLY going to make for alfiyan. i'm such a loser at artsy stuff like these, which is why i said HOPEFULLY. hehe.

i talked to alfiyan at about 4 plus, and 7 plus as well, at relatively long periods of time. i cleaned the fridge. i washed the dishes. i helped my siblings with their revision.

alfiyan called at 10pm, saying that their lights have been turned off half an hour early that night. we talked pretty nicely for a while, up till when i asked why he sounded so sian talking to me. i guess it was in the way i asked or commented on it, because that got alfiyan all riled up. which led us to argue for a second night in a row.

it was even worse on day 6. but alfiyan was still the sweetestestest and stayed up all the way till 1140pm, and even called me back after we hung up just to make sure i had stopped crying. i know i'm such a selfish brat. i am. i am. how can i not be more understanding? how can i make him stay up so late knowing that it'll affect his performance the next day?

i hate myself so much sometimes. i'm not kidding.

he doesn't deserve a girlfriend like me.

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sigh. so that was my first six days. it was quite like an emotional roller coaster, especially today. i think alfiyan is right. i AM pmsing. my period's due tmrw (but it'll probably be late as usual), which explains why i'm still up at three in the morning, blogging away in an attempt to chase the tears and restlessness away.

oh god, please make the next eight days pass by faster.

what a super long entry, huh? and very boring, too, some might say. but i don't care - there may come a day in the future when i would want to look back and remind myself of how hard this period was for me, and to remind me that alfiyan's the best i could ever ask for and that i should always always appreciate him more.

ok i guess this is it for now. more to come, i hope! :) bye all.

nj laid bare @ 1:55 AM