short update.

ok this is just gonna be a short one since i'm rather exhausted from lack of sleep and being out all day. organised in small bites for your reading ease:

• my poor baby's computer has crashed which means he can't chat with me on msn or do friendster stuff (haha i always make him write me testimonials for fun) or blog.
  

• i am seriously becoming increasingly addicted to reading hollywood gossip. i devour every single morsel of information about the likes of britney spears, lindsay lohan, anna nicole smith and all those other bitches wherever i can find it. usual sources would be perezhilton, pinkisthenewblog, mollygood and tmz.

• I HAVEN'T STARTED CATCHING UP WITH MY READINGS YET! ARRGHH.
  

• which obviously means i haven't even made a DENT in any of my outstanding assignments. eek i am so in trouble.

okay that's all i can think of off the top of my head.

oh oh! today my darling alfiyan went all the way to nus from kembangan (where he had a maulud to attend) to spend some time with me and then sent me home, after which he went all the way back to kembangan again for a manaqib.

now isn't he just the sweetest to go to all that trouble and inevitable exhaustion just to make me happy?

all smiles from nj. :)

this:



plus this:





makes me one happy happy happy girl today. =)=)=)

today my sweetheart yan came all the way to woodlands to surprise me with pretty flowers: three roses and a carnation. there was a happy valentine's day rose, happy 14th anniversary rose, and an i'm sorry rose. so so sweet right? oh, and he bought the carnation because he thought it would remind me of him (it kind of looks like his hair lol) and it does! it was such an awesome surprise, and i couldn't stop grinning idiotically all day.

he also presented me with a beautifully handmade i love you card, and i was literally brought to tears upon reading whatever was written. alfiyan's the best boyfriend any girl could ever wish for, and i feel so blessed that i'm his girlfriend.

i love you baby.

oh, and happy chinese new year to everyone who's celebrating it! :)

dixie chicks - not ready to make nice

Forgive, sounds good.
Forget, I'm not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,
But I'm still waiting

I'm through, with doubt,
There's nothing left for me to figure out,
I've paid a price, and i'll keep paying

I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should

I know you said
Why can't you just get over it,
It turned my whole world around
and i kind of like it.

this song would be just perfect for how i was feeling throughout the day. thank god, though, that i'm feeling much better now so it doesn't really apply to the present. but i just thought i'd put up the lyrics here anw cuz i kinda like this song. :)

btw, to those who haven't already known: i lost my hp AGAIN! :(:( so please please pass me your numbers k? the person who took it shall rot in hell! s/he had the cheek to divert my line to some woman's who apparently had nothing to do with the theft. such idiocy.

i love my booboo!

i can say without a doubt that today was not one of the best days i've had.

in fact, this whole past week had been more or less shiteous.

i dunno whether we'll ever be the same again, and yan agrees too. it all started from me whining and grumbling about valentine's day (or lack thereof) starting on the eve of 14th feb, all the way till today with only short intervals of lighter feelings in between the dark gloomy moods. i probably got a tad too carried away with the whole thing but somehow i just can't lift my feelings of jealousy and upset whenever i find out about other girls' experiences.

i know, i know label me an ungrateful bitch. yan's done so much for me yet i can't let the freaking thing GO.

sigh. i'm really sorry, baby. you've been nothing but the best to me and i love you so, so much.

well anw.

i don't think i've ever felt this sad in my entire life.

mixed emotions.

my parents went on a date at swensen's before my dad sent my mom to work.
ain received an enormous box of merci chocolates, plus tons of other stuff.
iskandar received an anonymous rose, slotted under his desk at school.

i didn't really have a valentine's day. after staying up arguing with yan till 5am the night before, i practically had to drag myself out of bed this morning. i guess i shouldn't blame or resent him for how i feel now, because his parents did specifically remind him not to celebrate valentine's day due to religious reasons.

i just can't help feeling sad, you know? it's hard to brush it off because all my life (before meeting yan), i was always insanely jealous of all the girls who would receive flowers, chocolates or teddy bears on this proclaimed day of love, and i absolutely hated myself for being fat and ugly. i would wish that i had a bf who would make my valentine's a special day for me.

it's extra hard to tell myself that it's really no big deal, that love can be celebrated anytime of the year and not just on 14th february, when everywhere i turn i see girls holding huge bouquets of flowers or chocolates or large stuffed toys. and they're muslims, too. it's not fair. :(

oh, well. the day's over anyway. there's no point in brooding over it anymore. i'm hoping that next year things would be different, but i dare not hope too much for fear of being disappointed again. besides, yan will be in ns by then.

and i did have a pretty good time today. yan surprised me by saying that he would walk me to school (though in the end i ditched class anw) and buying me a chocolate donut and apple bun. in addition, he did want to buy me something from one of those booths selling valentine's day stuff but everything was too expensive. even so, the fact that he actually did want to do that made me happy, i guess.

i guess i should be thankful that at least i have someone to love me. plus i was reminded by yan that he does buy me gifts randomly throughout our relationship so that counts for a lot, too.

i still love him very much.

okay i should go now. hopefully i'll update again soon.



p.s. i'm still feeling pretty down.

everybody all together now:

*heaves a huge sigh of relief*.

everything is fine and dandy now, thank god. :) i love alfiyan so so much.


will update properly later, my cramps are killing me.

bye!