my parents went on a date at swensen's before my dad sent my mom to work.
ain received an enormous box of merci chocolates, plus tons of other stuff.
iskandar received an anonymous rose, slotted under his desk at school.
i didn't really have a valentine's day. after staying up arguing with yan till 5am the night before, i practically had to drag myself out of bed this morning. i guess i shouldn't blame or resent him for how i feel now, because his parents did specifically remind him not to celebrate valentine's day due to religious reasons.
i just can't help feeling sad, you know? it's hard to brush it off because all my life (before meeting yan), i was always insanely jealous of all the girls who would receive flowers, chocolates or teddy bears on this proclaimed day of love, and i absolutely hated myself for being fat and ugly. i would wish that i had a bf who would make my valentine's a special day for me.
it's extra hard to tell myself that it's really no big deal, that love can be celebrated anytime of the year and not just on 14th february, when everywhere i turn i see girls holding huge bouquets of flowers or chocolates or large stuffed toys. and they're muslims, too. it's not fair. :(
oh, well. the day's over anyway. there's no point in brooding over it anymore. i'm hoping that next year things would be different, but i dare not hope too much for fear of being disappointed again. besides, yan will be in ns by then.
and i did have a pretty good time today. yan surprised me by saying that he would walk me to school (though in the end i ditched class anw) and buying me a chocolate donut and apple bun. in addition, he did want to buy me something from one of those booths selling valentine's day stuff but everything was too expensive. even so, the fact that he actually did want to do that made me happy, i guess.
i guess i should be thankful that at least i have someone to love me. plus i was reminded by yan that he does buy me gifts randomly throughout our relationship so that counts for a lot, too.
i still love him very much.
okay i should go now. hopefully i'll update again soon.
p.s. i'm still feeling pretty down.