absolutDrift.

moved!

2007-08-31T22:32:00.002+08:00

thanks to shahira, i have decided to move this blog to this address.

please update your links ok? thanks! :)

2007-08-26T20:19:00.000+08:00

I don't want this moment to ever end
Where everything's nothing without you
I'll wait here forever just to, to see you smile
Cuz it's true, I am nothing without you.

you're the brightest star in my sky.

2007-08-26T00:40:00.000+08:00

words aren't enough to describe how today was the best day i've had in my entire life, and i have you to thank for it:

so many things happened today that made me smile so wide, laugh so hard and feel so loved that i can't possibly write all of them down. every single hug, every single kiss and every single look sent shivers of pleasure down my spine and i remember wanting memories of that great feeling forever grooved into my mind, which is why i'm putting this reminder of one of the most awesome moments i've had in this relationship for the reference of future me.

baby, i love you so so so much and i will never do anything to jeopardize this special bond that we have. i know i've done many mistakes that i truly regret now but i want you to know that i'm doing all i can to make it right again. :)

the past two days were actually filled with lots and lots of money-spending!! here're the things that alfiyan and i bought:

1. 2 new dresses $36
2. 1 white elastic belt $23
3. 1 pair of black pointed pumps $20
4. 1 heart & key necklace chain $13
5. 1 rock star tshirt $15
6. 1 black topman tshirt $19
7. 1 black ripcurl cap $39
8. PSP leather casing $22...

...which has a rather interesting story to it. heheh. it all started with us entering comic connection at PS and alfiyan spotting this leather casing for PSP which he's been wanting to buy but has never found till just now. i knew he really really wanted it because he was all tense and upset since he had already bought an expensive new crystal case for his PSP about 3 weeks ago and hence didn't want to spend so much more on ANOTHER protective PSP casing. so, after we left the shop, i told alfiyan that i wanted to go to the toilet when instead, i went back to the shop to surprise him:

alfiyan's happy again which made me happy too! :)

oh, and today we also went for WOMAD at Fort Canning Park which was actually pretty interesting and fun. i bumped into four of my secondary school teachers which was kind of weird since they were all drinking and dancing and smoking - activities one won't normally associate with teachers. unfortunately, we couldn't stay long since alfiyan will be having an early day tomorrow plus my feet were hurting really badly from wearing new shoes. i actually resorted to walking around Fort Canning Park barefooted for at least half of the time we were there!

well anyway. i think i will end this entry now with these photos before going to bed:

(don't mind the fatness).

okay good night everyone!

an attempt at a proper update.

2007-08-20T21:31:00.000+08:00

i haven't really been updating properly lately so hopefully this entry will do the job. let's see now, what's new?

my academic timetable has been more or less confirmed - i was allocated all the tutorial slots of my choice except the one for MKT1003 but that shouldn't be too much of a problem (i hope) since there are plenty of other slots that i can fit in into my schedule. so right now my mondays are entirely free, tuesdays and thursdays really packed, wednesdays i'm free after 230pm and fridays, saturdays and sundays are generally reserved for spending time with alfiyan. :)

so if you want to ask me out, i'm free mondays and wednesdays!

since semester has started, i'm able to meet up pretty often with friends like ella, zurah and zahra as well as clarisse and adilah which is just really nice because i missed them during the holidays (although we did meet a couple of times)!

and the time spent together with alfiyan are as awesome as they have always been. although last week was a rather rough one for us, we realised that the only reason we were arguing so much was because we missed each other more than usual (which is puzzling because i thought i had the hang of alfiyan being in ns since the previous weeks passed by with relative ease). but anyway i'm thankful that alfiyan and i are always able to talk things through in the end, which always makes me love him even more. :)

the photos were taken on different days, btw. alfiyan is always wearing the same cap - which is why i'm going to take him shopping this coming weekend for a new one and perhaps a polo tee or two. i just received my mendaki pay! hehe. speaking of shopping, i have absolutely no idea what gift to present him with after his POP in about three weeks' time. hmm...

alfiyan had his IPPT today and he was awarded a silver!!! =) i am really really really proud of him especially since he's still having a cold plus he stayed up till midnight (talking to me) the night before. congratulations baby!

well okay this is it for now. have fun at lectures, everyone! hehe.

i have the best friends.

2007-08-17T15:52:00.000+08:00

there i was, having the worst day and week ever, depressed and broody and even occasionally tearing when zurah came up to me from behind and surprised me with a cup of delicious icecream yogurt, bought by herself and zahra.

thanks guys - you really are the best! :) and the yogurt made me feel lots better.

*hugs*

baby i miss you.

2007-08-11T18:40:00.000+08:00

yet our love for each other is keeping me alive,
and the thought that though we're apart...

...we're still under the same sky.

from underneath the stars...

2007-08-09T21:13:00.000+08:00

wednesday and thursday was spent with my loves.

adilah and i spent much of wednesday afternoon at wisma atria's starbucks, doing nothing but enjoying each other's company, news and gossips as well as these:

both of us needed to kill time for different reasons - adilah had 4 hours free in between work and pentas budaya whereas i just wanted the hours to pass by faster before meeting alfiyan at night at pasir ris. so we were both pleasantly surprised to discover that time flew by without us really noticing and soon it was time for us to meet halimah and arisya for dinner at far east plaza! :)

as always, i am the biggest girl in the group. sad!

soon after dinner we all left for our separate ways and i met alfiyan at pasir ris with milk tea and some yummy donuts for him. and i don't just mean yummy as an adjective - the donuts were from a shop called 'Yummy' at White Sands. so in return, guess what the sweetheart bought me? a deeeeelicious ben & jerry's ice cream cone which i've been craving for since first finding out that there was an outlet at White Sands. hehe!

the whole of thursday (national day!) was spent with alfiyan, which was just pure bliss. :)

we went shopping at bugis where he bought me three pairs of earrings since i keep losing one side of all my earrings, as well as a really pretty tinkerbell necklace. alfiyan bought himself two band tshirts but i think he was still feeling rather unsatisfied even after the purchases because the things he wanted (fred perry polo tee and topman sweater) were no longer in stock. poor baby!

after stuffing ourselves with a kfc bandito buddy meal, beard papa sweets and jollibean cakes, we headed to a barber near alfiyan's home for this:

so this is how he looks like now:

better, no? :)

anyway, you. how is it that one moment you can make me feel as though i am floating in the air, buoyed by your love and the happiness that results, and the next moment i am so exasperated that i have the urge to strangle you for making silly, trivial mistakes that may seem insignificant but actually result in losses when viewed at as a greater picture?

whatever it is, mistakes are meant to be forgiven and you'll always deserve a second chance from me, just as how you give me countless opportunities to make up for mine. i love you so much and i want you to know that without you, my life is one dreary gray painting.

'cause baby, anything that might be special in me... is you.

on another note - i have four modules allocated to me so far which are:

PL2131 - Research and Statistical Methods I
PL3242 - Health Psychology
MS3209 - The Malays of Singapore
AR3222 - Theory & History of Western Architecture

i'm praying to secure another two more, definitely one more PL module (insya'Allah) and a science GEM.

oh, and one more thing:

happy 20th birthday, zurah! :)

how much?

2007-08-09T20:53:00.000+08:00

When should I crawl?
When should I take the final blow?
When is it bad enough,
To earn the right to show?

How hard should I fall
Before it's my turn to be heard?
How much pain should I show on my face
Before you listen to a word?

love/hate relationship with weekends.

2007-08-06T00:16:00.000+08:00

my weekend was a bittersweet one, as always.

although we've both gotten into the routine of things, ns is still sort of taking a toll on alfiyan and i. we had several good heart-to-heart talks over the past three days, which shed light on certain aspects of our relationship for both of us. it dawned upon me just how hard it is for my boyfriend to divide his free time during the weekends with the few commitments that he has - family, tarikad, and me - and i'm not making it any easier on him by becoming upset just because he was 15 minutes late in meeting me because he was talking to his dad.

it's obvious that alfiyan really is putting in the best of all efforts to make me happy all the time, to ensure that there is always a smile on my face. that is something i should be very thankful for, because there is no one else in the world but him who would be willing to do that.

i love him very much, yes i do!

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anw our weekend can be summarised by the following photos:

alfiyan's new crumpler bag! :)

enjoying the scenery at bedok reservoir.

cheesy bites fondue at pizza hut!

alfiyan practising his manaqib while waiting for this:

waiting for bus 21 to take us to pasir ris. :)

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you're something beautiful, a contradiction...
...and i love you. :)

p.s., i hate my nose.

day/night.

2007-08-01T02:03:00.000+08:00

as happy as i am, or as much fun (quite a lot, actually) as i have spending time with the following people for the past 5 days...

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saturday: seafood dinner with the family at hawa restaurant and shopping at mustafa centre (my dad bought me new running shoes!). this was especially rare for me since i'm usually busy spending quality time with alfiyan during the weekends.

oh and in the day, i hung out with adilah and halimah again, but this time at the boon lay gym.

sunday: bukit gombak gym with khairunnisa. gym never fails to make my day - i think it has a lot to do with my heart pumping faster and the dissipation of the guilt which comes from eating a lot for the past week.

monday was not a very good day for me, as evident from my previous post. all i did was go for my thermal research thing in the day and binge on maggi and hotdogs and cheese crackers at home, before AND after mendaki relief teaching at greenwood primary. how sad am i, eh?

tuesday: shopping with zurah at bugis! (: this is us all cheery 4 dresses, 2 half sweaters and a denim skirt later, despite us both missing our boyfriends like crazy. it's true, shopping is therapeutic! oh and i'm really glad that zurah has finally received some very well-deserved tender loving care tonight! hehe.

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...at night, i still have trouble sleeping - you can see it from the dark circles under my eyes. i can't help feeling restless from the emptiness of knowing that alfiyan's not around. :( i know everyone's sick of me saying this, but i really do miss this adorable boyfriend of mine a lot:

in the words of nilam: "tahan tahan."

sigh.

so near yet so far.

2007-07-30T14:51:00.000+08:00

i'm pms-ing.

i'm annoyed at my siblings at their inability to keep the house clean when i'm out for tuition.

i've been eating a lot these days and not losing weight. instead, i'm gaining weight.

i'm stressed over my schedule for the coming weeks, and worse, for when semester starts.

and most of all, i'm missing alfiyan like crazy. :(

thus...
i will be in a miserable state till further notice.

:(

2007-07-29T13:07:00.002+08:00

i am really missing alfiyan right now. :( wednesday please come quick!

"O ye who believe persevere in patience and constancy; vie in such perseverance; strengthen each other; and fear God; that ye may prosper.(3:200) It is God Who created you in a state of (helpless) weakness, then gave (you) strength after weakness."

(:

2007-07-27T22:04:00.000+08:00

today was a day well spent.

i read the first three chapters of harry potter and the deathly hallows,

helped yazseerah move from her mom's place to her dad's place,

and met up with adilah,

and halimah.

we hung out at starbucks tanglin mall, where, thanks to arisya working there,

we didn't have to pay a single cent for our three scones, cinnamon glazed bun and two mango freeze drinks. :)

happy, full people!

tsk.

2007-07-25T19:12:00.000+08:00

it's getting worse..
and i'm becoming annoyed.

dear god please help me.

bittersweet weekends.

2007-07-22T23:09:00.000+08:00

"i could not ask for more than to see your smile..."

this weekend, i realised that i am a very difficult girlfriend. i've never really heard of anyone who would actually throw a tantrum at their boyfriends just because the rain ruined their hair, but you know what? that was exactly what i did on saturday, which was really unfair to alfiyan because hello, it's not like he controls the weather or anything! i bet he was especially frustrated because he's probably already used to training really hard in the rain when he's in tekong and yet there i was, whining at the slightest drizzle.

and today, while waiting for the bus that will take us to pasir ris where alfiyan has to report before booking in, i gave him a really hard time about leaving something i gave him in a drawer back at home where he will NOT be seeing it for two weeks since the next time he'll be booking out is on 3rd august.

and you know what he does?

he runs back home, field pack and all, and retrieves it. then he offers to buy me some ben & jerry's at white sands just to make me happy, but i declined since i had gained so much weight over the weekend. SO WHAT DOES HE DO??

he goes on and buys me the new harry potter book.

i know. i so do not deserve such an awesome boyfriend like him.

now let me explain to you why i have gained weight. this is a list of the foods that i have eaten over the past couple of days:

1) nuggets and one curry puff that alfiyan's mom fried the morning he booked out
2) brownies from brownie factory that i bought for alfiyan to make up for his really lousy week, but ended up eating half of them since they were too much for him
3) new york fish & chips, fried calamari rings and kola tonic from fish & co.
4) an entire regular pizza from pizza de france (alfiyan ordered two regular pizzas which we shared just between the two of us)
5) one large green tea & red bean mooncake
6) fried bee hoon
7) a few handfuls of honey stars

and not to mention the tons and tons of candy that i kept munching on throughout the two days!!

i have DEFINITELY gained AT LEAST TWO KILOS! so to make up for it, i have to go to the gym a minimum of four times and NOT eat more than 1000kcal per day for the next two weeks until alfiyan books out again.

pleasepleaseplease remind me regularly, and anyone up for gym, i'm just a call/sms away!

here're some photos from our day/s out:

i hate my handphone, particularly the camera, because the images captured are so grainy. :( i can't wait to trade it in for something lots better like k810i (for the 3.2 mp camera) or O2 (for the stylus haha). all i have to do is find out when alfiyan's contract ends so that that can be done! or better yet, i should buy my own digital camera since my mom's so possessive about hers that we can't really use it on a daily basis.

i know i said earlier that alfiyan's 6-day field camp might not be so bad after all, but i will retract my words now because i am already missing him like crazy! :( i really hope those 6 days will fly by real fast with tuition, gym and friends.

ok i guess this is it for now. bye!

TGIF

2007-07-20T21:35:00.000+08:00

yay, it's friday! (: alfiyan's booking out at 1045am tomorrow morning but i don't think we'll be getting a lot of alone time this weekend since his dad has been admitted to the hospital for low blood sugar level and fever, too, i think. but whatever, as long as i get to see my baby i'm happy!

ok so today was spent with yaz the darling cousin:

we went to royal plaza at scotts so that she could go sign her appointment letter for her new job there as a revenue officer. while i was waiting for her to be done, it occurred to me just how much i miss working in a hotel environment. the last time was after a levels, at grand copthorne waterfront hotel where i worked as a business centre coordinator and that was the bomb!

i think i shall go apply for a position in a hotel again for next year's 3-month break. good idea, no?

i love going to the gym, particularly on days when i especially miss alfiyan or have a lot of things on my mind, like today. only i don't think i can go to the bukit gombak one alone anymore because the pakciks there keep disturbing me, it's getting annoying no matter how hard i ignore them.

ok i think this is where i end for now, i'm beat! bye!

:(

2007-07-19T01:36:00.000+08:00

i know you won't be reading this anytime soon and perhaps never will, but...

*HUGS* SAYANG!!!

i hate it that you have to go through all the shit that you have to go through in tekong while i'm still able to take daily comforts like two baths a day for granted. it's not fair, just like how it's not fair that you have to be punished together with the rest of your platoon for someone else's mistake. that sucks, baby, but i guess that's just how it is in the military. :(

although i will never know how miserable you feel because it's probably nothing i'll ever experience, i can still very much feel the pain from hearing your voice with such low morale and depressed tones. i do hope you know that i'm always here for you, if not physically, but definitely in mind and spirit, baby.

i love you so so much and it hurts me to know that you're being pushed to such extents. i wish i could just gather you up in my arms and give you a big tight hug to make all the pain go away but i guess that'll have to wait a couple more days.

take care, alfiyan. i can't wait to see you again soon, insya'Allah!

homemade pizzas part 2.

2007-07-18T20:49:00.000+08:00

yay clarisse has finally uploaded the rest of our photos on facebook so here they are! (:

while waiting for the pizzas to cook.

okay that's all!

anw today was the first time since alfiyan's enlistment that he couldn't call me for the entire day (well except for that one extremely rushed call in the early morning telling me he was leaving) due to a live firing exercise. it wasn't half as bad as i thought it would be, especially because my mendaki students brightened up my day despite being so infuriatingly NAUGHTY.

it's nice having my own things to do and friends to spend time with when alfiyan's away in camp. it has sort of given me this new sense of independence and... serenity, shall i say? (:

at this rate, maybe that much-dreaded 6-day field camp that will be held at the end of the month won't be so awful after all, although i'd still be missing alfiyan like crazyyyyyy.

okay see you guys later!

a pretty good day.

2007-07-17T00:33:00.000+08:00

so my parents are back from bangkok. and they bought quite a number of things for everyone, yay! :) i received two skirts, a top, a pair of sandals and MAC rouge. and alfiyan got two silly tshirts - one with the asahi beer print and the other with dead bull. you know, like red bull only the bulls are dead?

-_-''

now all i need are just a few more tops, maybe another skirt, and i'd be all set to start the new semester! hehe. speaking of which - i really hope i get all my desired modules and tutorial slots because what with my mendaki tuition assignment, night tuition assignment and the six modules i'll be taking i really need everything to fit exactly as i have planned it in order for me to survive.

and i seriously hope that i get my introduction to cybercrime and history & theory of western architecture modules because adilah and i are planning on taking those together! i reckon it'll be fun to have a friend taking the same module with me sometimes. (:

adilah got a job at the student service centre. as happy as i am for her because she's been trying to look for a job for so long to divert from maniq, this is very sad news for me because it means that she is a lot less free to hang out with me at the really awesome newly-opened boon lay gym. anyone else interested in exercising with me? i promise i'll be fun company! hehe.

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friends are such a blessing.

today i met evonne, stella and angelia at woodlands civic centre and it was so wonderful just talking and talking about whatever comes to mind. i don't think anyone has really changed ever since our secondary school days - everyone's exactly how i remembered them to be which is the greatest thing. i really miss all the other people from evergreen whom i've not met for years, but it's so difficult to meet up nowadays since everyone has their own busy schedules.

i also bumped into jesvin when i was rushing off from causeway point to pick up iffah from school. she is such a SWEETHEART because she turned her heel around and followed me to wherever i was headed with no hesitation at all, although it meant that she would be late meeting her sister to go buy their two-year-old neighbour a birthday gift.

thanks jesvin, *hugs*!

i love all my friends. :)

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kids brighten up my day.

today i did relief teaching for mendaki for a primary 4 mathematics class and i was just so amused by all the antics, regardless whether negative or positive, of the different kinds of kids there were in the class. there's the smart boy who never pauses to impart his knowledge to any one of his classmates, the outcast who duped me into thinking that he really was sick so that he could go home, the well-behaved girl who consistently reminded her classmates to lower their voices and so on and on.

it's a good thing that i took up this mendaki assignment - it's making me realise more and more that teaching, especially in primary school, might be my calling after all.

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i think i'm getting better at alfiyan being in the SAF, now that i've settled down into my daily activities namely friends, tuition and gym. it's gotten so good that i feel like i don't even miss him so much anymore. as awful as that sounds, i don't mean it in a negative way - i still think about him ALL THE TIME but it doesn't hurt as much to be apart now.

alfiyan was really sweet tonight. although i kept telling him to go to sleep to get the most rest possible, he kept saying 'five more minutes please baby'. to be honest i got annoyed after a while but this changed to guilt, and later, love for alfiyan, after he explained how bad he felt for not being able to call me as often as usual since he's busier now with military stuff like the standard obstacle course, individual marksmanship training, etc, which takes him away from the bunks.

after we've hung up, i received another call from alfiyan a few seconds later. the reason for the call? - "nothing, i just miss you is all."

so i'm sure you can understand why there isn't a day which passes by that i don't feel like the luckiest girl to have alfiyan as my boyfriend. despite this disconcerting phase that i'm going through (which i'm still trying to figure out btw), i have faith that it will all be okay eventually, insya'Allah.

i love you, baby.

randomness arising from little quantum fluctuations.

2007-07-15T19:41:00.000+08:00

i've known this since ages ago (starting from that first time when alfiyan literally swept a 62kg-me off my feet and into his arms), but it still amazes me just how strong my boyfriend is. today i found out that he can do pull-ups using just TWO fingers - something i never knew could be accomplished. plus alfiyan also holds the record for the highest number of pull-ups in his platoon (15 pull-ups).

how cool is that? (:

sometimes i envy girls whose boyfriends are in civil defence or the police force instead of the SAF. i don't know for sure, but it sure seems like they get to meet their boyfriends a lot more often. and even when their boyfriends have to book into camp, they will still be on mainland as opposed to an offshore island (read: tekong) which to me, is a lot more daunting. so i assume that those lucky girls are probably spared the extra pain that those whose boyfriends are in the SAF experience.

but whatever, i'm still very glad that alfiyan's in the SAF because there's something about soldiers that turn me on! heheheee.

my siblings make me really happy sometimes. they cheered me up while i was still feeling traces of sadness on the way home from sending alfiyan off to pasir ris by playing a stupid phone prank on me.

i love you silly guys!

oh and i realise that my awareness for my surroundings is very poor. apparently today i was in the same cabin with a relative and i never noticed he was there although he was seated right beside me for a full ten minutes! it was until he waved his hands in front of my face that i was shocked into detecting his presence. he cracked me up when he told me that he tried to track down my hp (since i was so engrossed in playing quadropop) via bluetooth but was unsuccessful. hahaha.

have i mentioned? alfiyan + me = LOVE!

you have stolen my heart...

4 weeks down, 8 more weeks to go! (:

2007-07-14T20:27:00.000+08:00

my day was spent as follows:

i was supposed to pick up alfiyan from pasir ris this morning, but i was super late so i asked my sweetheart to meet me at tampines bus interchange instead. if you hadn't noticed, he had his head shaved again! can you spell h-o-t? (:

and then we caught a train ride back to woodlands, after alfiyan changed and did his laundry etc., during which alfiyan mostly did this:

once we reached causeway point, we had lunch/dinner here:

see? his outfit matches with the restaurant colour theme! :)

after that we went to cold storage to buy donuts from the newly-opened munchy donuts!

then we made our way to the cinema to catch the much-awaited harry potter and the order of the phoenix. the movie obviously did not match the standards of the book, but that was to be expected, eh? here's us in the theatre while waiting for the movie to start:

and so that was how our day went. it was waaaayyy too short for my liking but hey, it's better than nothing i suppose. in less than 24 hours alfiyan will have to be back in camp. sigh.

i love you, my darling, and i'll miss you to no end.

why does tonight have to end?
why don't we hit restart,
and pause it at our favourite parts?

we'll skip the goodbyes...

homemade pizzas!! (well, sort of).

2007-07-13T20:34:00.000+08:00

i wanted to wait for photos from clarisse's camera before blogging about my day of pizza-making, but i guess that would take a bit longer than i'm willing to wait. for now, though, let's make do with photos from my phone, eh? (:

i met adilah at causeway point on thursday at about 1230pm, after which we headed straight on to cold storage to buy the things we needed - pizza dough, capsicum, mushrooms, lots of cheese, tomato puree, and we even found halal pepperoni and bacon! once we reached my house, we started chopping up ingredients which needed chopping up:

after that we bummed around until clarisse arrived, who was late since she was feeling lazy that day from clubbing the night before.

here's adilah spreading some tomato puree onto the pizza bases while clarisse played with her hair. hahaha!

and these are our masterpieces! actually we baked four pizzas altogether but i think they're more or less the same:

don't they just look absolutely yummy? hehe. i let my dad try some and i think he liked it (although he never said anything) because he told me to bake some more for the kids this sunday, when he and my mom are away on a romantic getaway to bangkok for the weekend. (:

speaking of the weekend - IT'S HERE!! this means that i get to meet alfiyan real soon, insya'allah, if nothing comes up like guard duty or whatever.

i can't wait, sayang! <3

p.s. adilah, thanks for cheering me up today - i love you!

i'm yours - jason mraz

2007-07-06T22:13:00.000+08:00

this is us on the tanjong beach/palawan beach beach tram:

tanjong beach was awesome.

it was quiet, and we found the perfect spot to have our own private little picnic. :)

the fooooood.

i know, his slippers look smaller than mine right? i told you i have humongous feet!

it would've been perfect if not for the irritating group of caucasian kids who let their huge dogs roam around unleashed (the dogs got SO NEAR to us i almost screamed!).

but oh, well. just being with alfiyan was perfect enough for me.

thanks for such an awesome day sayang!

all excited!

2007-07-05T13:15:00.000+08:00

although it has become relatively easier to be apart from you, i still miss you like crazy.

sayang, i can't wait to see you again! =)

ouch.

2007-07-03T20:42:00.000+08:00

it hurts it hurts it hurts.

this is what happened to me this morning:

i was jogging peacefully around my housing estate when my shoe skidded on an uneven portion of ground and sent me flying right smack onto it.

it probably doesn't look like much but it fucking hurts ok, even till now.

and baby, it doesn't help when you call me a wussy just because i don't want to wash the wound because it'll be super painful.

sigh.

book in day.

2007-07-01T19:58:00.000+08:00

again, photos!

*melts*

yesterday, we went to beach road, ate handmade tomyam noodles and watched transformers.

that night was an emotional one for both of us. we stayed up crying helplessly, unknowing of how to solve the issues between us. eventually at 5am, i decided to just get up, get ready and head on to alfiyan's house.

see? awful eyebags from not sleeping at all.

my busuk baby met me under his block at about 8am, and we talked things out. spot the ferrero rochers and card i bought as a peace offering. (:

(sidenote: also spot the new nokia n-gage qd that alfiyan bought by trading in his w810i to be used when he's in ns).

happy again, yay!

later on, after alfiyan had taken his shower, i joined alfiyan's family for a delicious indian breakfast. this is us walking towards the eating place.

alfiyan's family then brought me bargain hunting at sungai road (it was my first time!) - they have pretty cool stuff there sometimes. (: cik ros kept wanting to buy me shoes but i have humongous feet so that made it very difficult! lol.

after sending cik ahmad off to work, all of us headed back to alfiyan's house where alfiyan and i took a nap together - me on the couch, him on the floor beside it. cik ros was so nice about it! she even gave us pillows and told the kids to be quiet.

we woke up when cik ros and the kids were leaving to attend a birthday party, leaving us more or less home alone, with asyraf. :) that was when alfiyan started getting ready.

this is where photos of me sans makeup begin, since it was after my shower at alfiyan's house.

and then he was all set!

in cik ros's car.

at pasir ris, while waiting for alfiyan's section mates. a few minutes later i left for home. :(

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i must say that the past days have been the four most awesome consecutive days that i've ever spent with my darling. i have a feeling that the love that we have for each other has increased over the two weeks that we've been apart, and it sure is the greatest feeling.

i love you, sayang. take care while you're in camp this week - i'll be here to meet you once you've reached mainland, baby.

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and i'm gonna miss you like a child misses her blanket but...
...it's time to be a big girl now.

and big girls don't cry.

momentarily content. =)

2007-06-29T23:14:00.000+08:00

let's let the pictures do the work shall we?

i bought alfiyan a sunflower...

...baked him cookies (with the help of adilah)...

...and did my hair before meeting my darling on the 28th!

he looks like he has lost weight, doesn't he?

but still super gorgeous and adorable! sexier, though, since he's a soldier and all! hehe.

alfiyan: i swear i did a funny face like you told me to but the camera didn't capture it!
me: zzzzzz. -_-''

enjoying some pastamania.

waiting to watch fantastic four at cathay cineleisure.

much love, baby! =)

The Diary of How I Survived 2 Weeks Confinement - Day 12

2007-06-25T23:43:00.000+08:00

i swear i'm the lousiest girlfriend ever on the face of the earth.

i know alfiyan's not having the best of times in camp - being bald, surrounded by guys only and stripped of most comforts, he's bound to be cranky now and then. so i do try my very best to cheer him up at the end of the day, and usually i'd like to believe that i'm able to. tonight, however, was a different matter.

not only did our conversation make a turn for the ugly, both alfiyan's hp batteries died while we were talking halfway, thanks to me not being able to let issues go. the 9watt battery that he got his sergeant to buy was also completely used up by then, so our conversation ended pretty abruptly. and the worst thing was, alfiyan lost a total hour of sleep that he's supposed to have to prepare himself for tmrw's busy day - running, route march and weapon presentation ALL THANKS TO ME.

sigh. i feel like such a failure.

and yet alfiyan's still the best boyfriend ever who's willing to risk anything and everything to make me happy.

oh pleasepleaseplease god don't let him get into trouble.

and to think our day was actually a rather wonderful one - alfiyan called me every single time he was able to, which was quite a number of times since he didn't have many programmes today.

did i mention that i'm the worst person ever to be a girlfriend?

anw today was spent mostly talking to alfiyan on the phone and doing light strength training while watching inside man on vcd. i was supposed to have tuition, but that was canceled since fauzan called to say he was too tired and sick.

oh, and i ate a lot again today.

sigh i'm so depressed right now. baby i'm very very sorry for causing our day to end on such a lousy note. i promise i'll make it up to you one day.

i love you sayang - you're everything i've ever wished for, and more.

The Diary of How I Survived 2 Weeks Confinement - Day 11

2007-06-25T10:39:00.000+08:00

i think i've sort of gotten the hang of alfiyan being in ns. sort of. it helps a lot that alfiyan calls me whenever he can - lately i've been receiving at least 4-5 calls from him before night time falls. :)

i thought day 11 would be spent doing nothing constructive just like in day 10, but thank god arifah saved me. arifah and i went shopping at bugis!! and i bought this dress which i really love for $28, although the chest area is rather tight. the store keeper suggested that i perhaps wear a smaller bra next time, and even asked whether "they" were real. -_-'

but whatever. i had tuition again at 8pm, and briskwalked home. that works better for me actually, because not only does that get my heart pumping faster, i also reach home earlier as compared to if i take public transport.

oh alfiyan's electrical hp charger was confiscated last night when his sergeant was checking his drawers or something. it wasn't like he was actually using the charger, since i already bought him a battery-operated one so i hope he doesn't get punished like having to be detained for another week. :(

this probably means i won't be expecting as frequent calls from him in these last few days since he'll have to conserve what remaining battery power there is.

i had trouble sleeping again yesterday, and this time i know for sure what the cause of it was - i was just extremely hungry! i forgot to eat throughout the day since i left to meet arifah immediately after chores, and went home for like only half an hour to clean up the house and pray before i had to leave again for tuition. so in the end, after a couple of hours of trying to ignore the hunger, i gave in and made myself a jam and butter sandwich and also some dry cereal at around 3am. :)

i fell asleep only at 5am, though.

well ok this is where i end for now - have to get iffah ready and send her for school. bye!

The Diary of How I Survived 2 Weeks Confinement - Day 10

2007-06-23T23:10:00.000+08:00

omgomgomg day 10 is over!!

and you know what that means - only 4 more days left till i can see alfiyan again!

BIG YAY!!

of course, the next 4 days will probably drrraaaggg on as they usually do when you miss someone but ahh who cares? 4 days is a lot shorter than the 10 days which have already passed! :)

ok so anw. there isn't much to say about today except i spent lots and lots of time moping around at home. i was super lazy to do anything, not even housework, so don't even bother asking about whether i exercised. to make things worse, my appetite was noticeably larger today (and i blame it on the fact that my period is due) so i ate like a big, fat cow.

there goes all that effort i made for the past week.

ah, well.

alfiyan called me numerous times today, too, and we smsed for quite a while when he was resting during the day. the best thing was - we spoke for A WHOLE HOUR at night! well, we did that last night, too, but that wasn't the same since i was rushing home from tuition. today's was much MUCH more blissful.

i love alfiyan very very much! even though we've not met for more than a week, he always makes me feel as though he's still close by with his comforting, sweet words said in the voice that i've grown to be fond of.

hugshugshugshugshugshugshugshugshugshugshugs baby!!

i can't wait to see you again, sayang!

we part only to meet again...

The Diary of How I Survived 2 Weeks Confinement - Days 8 & 9

2007-06-23T14:32:00.000+08:00

okay i just found out that an old friend from primary school had read my previous diary entries and suddenly i feel all embarrassed and exposed. oh, well. it's my fault for writing so openly about my experience of being away from alfiyan while he's doing his confinement. :(

but i guess i won't stop now, since i was already halfway through. nobody else has to read it though! this is a warning! hahaha. i don't want you to sue me because your computer short-circuited from all the barf that came after reading my entries.

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Day 8

somehow after i got back from my aunt's place the night before i started itching. initially i thought it was just the work of pesky mosquitoes, but when i was still up, scratching so many body parts at 2am in the morning, it occurred to me that the mosquitoes weren't to blame at all - my allergies were acting up again!

so i'm sure it comes as no surprise to you that that was the second night in a row that i barely had a wink of sleep, but not without trying. i applied liberal amounts of tiger balm all over my body hoping the heat sensation would distract me from the itch but that worked for an hour at most. i went to the doctor once i knew they were already open, and received an injection for my allergies.

that put me to sleep for at least three hours, so yay that was half my day without alfiyan gone! :)

when i woke up i started feeling all sad again so i logged onto msn looking for victims. lucky for me, an old friend from andalus was online and we arranged to hang out at about 5pm. although we met for barely a couple of hours (only two hours because the effects of the injection was starting to wear off which meant the rashes had come back), that was enough to have endorphins flowing in my bloodstream again! we talked about quite a number of things, which made me feel tons better.

i canceled tuition because of the allergies.

alfiyan called at night as usual. the same thing that has been happening for the previous nights happened again, but that doesn't matter because it's all good now. alfiyan's the best boyfriend-who's-in-ns that i could ever ask for, really.

after some initial distress because rashes had broke out EVERYWHERE, including on my face, i slept soundly for the first time since alfiyan had booked in, thanks to antiallergy medication. :)

Day 9

A GREAT DAY.

alfiyan called me SO MANY TIMES, and he was so sweet every single time. it was such a pleasant surprise, because i was getting used to the sporadic phone calls that i had received for the past eight days or so.

at first alfiyan suggested that i don't go out shopping like i had planned to, since my rashes hadn't gone away completely at about 5am. but they did by the time i woke up at 10am, so yay!

i met anusha at orchard at about 2.30pm (she was late!) and we went off in search of things to buy. unfortunately for me, i didn't find many things that i really liked or that were worth parting my money for so i only ended up with one top from f21. anusha, however, bought soooo many things i almost felt jealous! hahah. i had lots of fun, thanks to anusha's company and alfiyan's calls and smses.

but oh! alfiyan's hp almost got confiscated, though, because apparently they aren't supposed to make any calls during training hours although they are having free time. i was extremely worried that alfiyan would get into serious trouble, but thank god it was just a warning. phew! from now on he has to be more careful when calling me in the day, i guess.

at night i had tuition. i think i make the lousiest malay tutor EVER because i have to look up the dictionary for practically every other malay word. -_-'' and there was this big hoo-ha at my student's house when nobody knew what a certain peribahasa meant. SO PAISEH.

alfiyan called at about 830pm when i was only half an hour into the tuition session, saying he was already free for the night. :) and so that was the reason why i took a cab home so that i could talk to him as soon as possible. we didn't argue at all that night.

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okay back to my old friend from primary school. as embarrassed as i am that he had read my entries (also since he's an officer), i am rather touched by his gestures, too. on his blog, he presented what both sides in a relationship are experiencing during the ns period, and that sort of enlightened me a bit. oh and he posted this on his blog:

Well, i just wished both of them the very best of luck. If it never works out, well its not because they never tried. I'm sure they tried, but somewhere along the road, they might not see eye to eye anymore, and that's when u have to take a step back and just observe what is going on between themselves. Just don't make it too routine or mundane, like calling 6am every morning, or 10pm every night. That will just make u lose the girl even faster.

i wonder, if that last part is true, how else can a boyfriend NOT be routine in ns? after all, he is in a military environment where schedules must be adhered to.

anyway. it's nice when friends are there for you during tough periods like these. sweet, thoughtful smses that i never expected to receive never fail to cheer me up during my loneliest moments. :)

thanks everyone!

and since i'm in a rather good mood, here are some overdue photos:

i love my boyfriend!

The Diary of How I Survived 2 Weeks Confinement - Day 7

2007-06-20T22:41:00.000+08:00

i could not sleep at all last night. apparently blogging didn't help in eradicating the tears and restlessness - it might've worsened them, in fact. i tossed and turned on my bed for hours and hours, with thoughts i DON'T want to be thinking whirring in my brain. i finally dozed off at about 6am, and woke up at 10am.

alfiyan called at 6plus as usual to say hi, good morning, etc.

i did the laundry and dishes. i took my shower, got ready and left home at about 1215pm, embarking on my slow walk to neni's house near admiralty to pick up nani banun's glasses. alfiyan called during my walk, and i think i intentionally did not brighten up my voice like i usually do. or it might've just been the lack of sleep. or pms. probably a combination of all three?

i met my cousin annur at yishun interchange at 130pm. we took bus 39 to ris grandeur, kala yati's house at pasir ris. we hung out at nadja's room, i fell asleep on her bed. we went down to swim. i did 7 laps, which was so tiring but fulfilling.

i did not plan on having dinner but since annur and i stayed over at kala yati's house till 8 plus, i had no choice but to eat something. kala yati ordered pizza and i forced myself to take a few bites, but in the end i gave up and just ate the pizza topping. :)

alfiyan called some time after dinner. he didn't sound happy knowing that i was still at pasir ris, he said he had to go to bed soon since he will be having ippt the next day. i told him that i would talk to him during the journey home. but when that moment came, he said to call when i was home.

we fought again.

i told him if he expects me to be understanding and supportive of him while he's in ns, he should give the same to me too. i'm glad he understood.

i understand now why so many relationships don't work out when the boyfriends are in ns. most of them change, some for the worse with regards to sensitivity to someone else's feelings. i don't blame the girls for wanting to seek solace in another guy, but it is still wrong.

i pray that will not be me one day.

The Diary of How I Survived 2 Weeks Confinement - Days 1 to 6

2007-06-20T01:55:00.000+08:00

i've been meaning to write blog entries chronicling every single day of when i'm apart for the very first time from alfiyan - for 14 whole days, but i never got around to it till now simply because our last entry was his and a mere glimpse of it might just trigger the waterworks.

thank god it's gotten easier now. easier, but not necessarily EASY. i still cry at some point every day. a friend (who's undergoing the exact same thing i am right now) says it's silly for me to waste my tears like that, but i guess she's a lot stronger than me emotionally. it's just not the same for everyone, is it?

so many people have warned me that the first few weeks would be rough, but i never took heed of their words because i thought that the relationship i have with alfiyan is different - that we're strong. but boy was i wrong. it IS hard, harder than i ever thought it would be. and don't get me started on the aching pain of emptiness that i'm feeling in my heart right now. i could go on and on (as i have with a couple of my friends) but nothing makes it feel any less painful.

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so let's move on shall we? days one to six, in chronological order:

Day 1

i reached alfiyan's house at 7am, and after all the last minute packing and breakfast, alfiyan's mom drove us over to pasir ris bus interchange, where we were shuttled to SAF ferry terminal, from which we were ferried to pulau tekong. i was pleased that everything looked new, since it meant that alfiyan will be housed and fed in pretty decent conditions.

at this point i was still just savouring the moments with alfiyan (and his family, of course) so i was rather calm. the sadness started seeping in during the oath-taking ceremony for the new recruits. that was when i realised that alfiyan really was going to be away for a while, and he's going to undergo a tremendous change during that period. and that's something i DON'T want to happen because i love him just the way he is.

during the food tasting session i spotted a girlfriend sobbing on the shoulders of her boyfriend, and i pointed them out to alfiyan. he said, 'thank god we got that done and over with yesterday, right syg?' and all i did was nod. but i didn't agree. my tears weren't done and over with then, but i just swallowed them in and showed a brave face to alfiyan because i knew that was what he needed - to know that i'll be okay.

a brief hug and peck on alfiyan's cheek marked our separation. the tears started only after i parted from alfiyan's family at pasir ris - it just went on and on and on from pasir ris mrt station all the way to my home at woodlands. i found myself at a loss on how to handle my newfound solitude so i did the only thing i knew - look for people to talk to. thanks especially to zurah and ella, who have always been there for me to talk to online. :)

that got me through most of the day. that, and alfiyan's call at about 4 plus telling me he's okay and that he's missing me lots. at night, we talked for about half an hour, i think half of which was spent with him hearing me sob and not knowing what to do. i'm such a crybaby, i know.

i did not eat lunch or dinner.

Day 2

alfiyan called me at about 530am, telling me that he was heading for morning exercises.

i woke up at about 8am, but forced myself to go back to sleep with the hopes of making my day as short as humanly possible. it was not to be because i was wide-eyed and clearheaded by 930am. i am embarrassed to admit that i was still pretty much a tearful mess then, so i put on as many layers of thickness as possible onto my face and smsed adilah, a good friend whom i have not been keeping in contact regularly and sometimes even blown off because i've been too busy with alfiyan.

i'm really blessed to have a friend like her - she was there for me throughout the morning and all the way till about 4 plus, distracting me from my grief with silly little stories which made me laugh and cheered me up instantly. we also made plans to meet up once she received her pay, as i did with anusha (to go shopping and beach!). knowing that i had something to look forward to in the coming two weeks had me smiling even more. :)

at 5.00pm my sisters and i headed down to jog and cycle - which did wonders in making me feel better, too, actually. i guess what they say about exercise, endorphins and happiness is really true, eh?

alfiyan called at 1230pm, 630pm and 10pm, which was SO GREAT. it was all in all a pretty awesome improvement from day 1, and i remember telling alfiyan that i hoped such high spirits will last all the way till 28th june.

i did not eat dinner.

Day 3

alfiyan called at 10plus in the morning, apologising for not being able to call at 530am as usual because they were not allowed to wake up too early in order to benefit from as much sleep as they can possibly get.

i woke up, did housework, and did light weights training in my room. i had vowed to myself that i would do everything i could to lose at least a couple of kgs while alfiyan's away, since he's likely to be in better shape himself. alfiyan called during lunch and we talked for a couple of minutes before he had to go again.

it was only after i had taken my shower that my mom said that our father's day plans were not going to happen after all, which left me depressed since i had been hoping for it to make the third day pass by faster.

thank god my friends were there for me again. i smsed arisya and halimah, and met up with them in town. it was really cool catching up with them - i used to spend tons of time with arisya and halimah back in J1 since all three of us used to be in the percussion section of the band. they're both looking great, btw. hehe.

alfiyan only called at 1020pm (apparently he had such a busy day signing up for rifles and whatnot, and were assigned toilet cleaning duties), but i was still in the mrt then. that got alfiyan pissed off because he's not too keen with me going home late alone. he hung up on me, i cried, he lectured, i cried some more, but eventually we made things right as always.

i drank a cup of milo throughout the entire day.

Day 4

alfiyan called at 6plus in the morning, saying that he was headed for another round of toilet cleaning duties.

i woke up at 10plus, and proceeded with my usual household chores.

at 1pm, alfiyan called saying that he had just eaten and was free for an entire hour before they had to start with their running training. that was the greatest one hour (or more like 45 minutes) since alfiyan booked in - we talked like we usually did when he's home and that made me sooo happy i felt like my face was glowing.

such elation fueled me with enough determination to train for almost two hours - a fulfilling two hours, i must say, although it left my muscles and joints aching even more than they had in the morning. that occupied most of my afternoon, after which i joined my siblings in watching the last half hour of some indonesian horror movie on suria.

i cycled to my tuition venue. BIG mistake, btw - there were so many ascending slopes! i was huffing and puffing barely halfway through and perspiring like mad. on the way back home, i gave up (because my stamina was too poor plus my thighs were burning like hell from the afternoon's exercises as well) and walked my bicycle home. how sad is that?

alfiyan called when i was still having tuition. poor guy was so exhausted from running, but he still waited for me to reach home and talked to me for at least 15 minutes before going to bed.

i ate two mango slices and a donut that day.

Day 5

alfiyan called at 6plus saying that he was just done with breakfast.

i was woken up by halimah's sms at 840am saying that i was needed to help arisya surprise shahid for his birthday. i folded laundry, hung laundry and did the dishes before getting ready and walking to admiralty to meet arisya. admiralty because arisya said that streetdirectory.com said it was the closest mrt station to block 844 - NOT TRUE. block 844 is like ten minutes' walk from my house, which is closer to woodlands. but oh, well. i made such a useless woodlands guide because we had to walk for almost half an hour looking for that block to pick up arisya's cupcakes.

then we met halimah at woodlands. arisya left to meet shahid at raffles place (leaving the cupcakes with us), and halimah and i window shopped at causeway point and had lunch at banquet. we were an hour late in surprising arisya and shahid at the Singapore Botanic Gardens because we got lost halfway TO the place and IN the Gardens itself. it was all great, though, because halimah and i talked like we've never done in at least a year and i was enjoying the increased heart rate and perspiration from all the walking.

after the surprise, halimah and i headed to PS and bras basah complex (walking all the way, mind you!) looking for stuff for her brother. i had so much fun! the best thing was, that was most of my day already spent (enjoyably, too!) - all i had to do was head on home, have a good old relaxing shower and wait for my darling to call to just complete a perfect day.

or so i thought. something went wrong in the middle of my conversation with alfiyan, and we argued really badly. it was worse than usual from knowing that i won't be meeting alfiyan the next day to make things better. but alfiyan (as i have mentioned time and time again), being the bestestestest boyfriend ever, sacrificed a whole hour of his sleeping time just to make things right again. and for that, i will always love him very very much because i know he does me, too, otherwise why would he even bother risking falling asleep during training the next day just for me right?

i ate chicken at the end of the day.

Day 6

alfiyan called at 6plus as usual, after breakfast.

i took my time getting up since i knew i had absolutely zero plans for today. i did the laundry, vacuumed the house, etc. i spent hours and hours in front of the tv with my laptop, organising photos that i want to develop and searching high and low for sweet little love quotes and poems to be compiled into the scrapbook i'm HOPEFULLY going to make for alfiyan. i'm such a loser at artsy stuff like these, which is why i said HOPEFULLY. hehe.

i talked to alfiyan at about 4 plus, and 7 plus as well, at relatively long periods of time. i cleaned the fridge. i washed the dishes. i helped my siblings with their revision.

alfiyan called at 10pm, saying that their lights have been turned off half an hour early that night. we talked pretty nicely for a while, up till when i asked why he sounded so sian talking to me. i guess it was in the way i asked or commented on it, because that got alfiyan all riled up. which led us to argue for a second night in a row.

it was even worse on day 6. but alfiyan was still the sweetestestest and stayed up all the way till 1140pm, and even called me back after we hung up just to make sure i had stopped crying. i know i'm such a selfish brat. i am. i am. how can i not be more understanding? how can i make him stay up so late knowing that it'll affect his performance the next day?

i hate myself so much sometimes. i'm not kidding.

he doesn't deserve a girlfriend like me.

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sigh. so that was my first six days. it was quite like an emotional roller coaster, especially today. i think alfiyan is right. i AM pmsing. my period's due tmrw (but it'll probably be late as usual), which explains why i'm still up at three in the morning, blogging away in an attempt to chase the tears and restlessness away.

oh god, please make the next eight days pass by faster.

what a super long entry, huh? and very boring, too, some might say. but i don't care - there may come a day in the future when i would want to look back and remind myself of how hard this period was for me, and to remind me that alfiyan's the best i could ever ask for and that i should always always appreciate him more.

ok i guess this is it for now. more to come, i hope! :) bye all.

2007-06-02T17:41:00.000+08:00

Hi all.

Past few days have been kinda alright i guess. Mostly and generally happy days, thanks to nurul and the IRAS people. My last day of work was on wednesday, and the gifts that i got from my colleagues! Here's a summary:

1) Royal chocolate cake and mango cake slices (Si Ying)
2) Home-baked cookies(Diana)
3)A FILA tshirt from my supervisors(Norhana,Jeslyn and Hafizah)
4)A whole chocolate cake from Royal(Hanisah and Aysha)
5)A soft pillow from Hallmark(Alina,Li Wen and Sook Cheng)
6)A huge soft toy rose and Swiss delice chocolate(Aishah and Lina)

and... last but not least, the grandest gift of all:7) One side of a used broken rubber slipper(Fairul)

Just wanna say thanks to all my ex-colleagues for being a great company during these 3 months at work. Also, thanks for the gifts and food!

Alright, with that cleared, lets come to the main part: me and nurul.

Lol, well we now have LOTS of time to spend together before i migrate offshore on 14th June. She bought me a NEW ring from metallurgy! Its simple,sleek,lovable, cuddly, shiny, elegant and....New.
Haha most importantly, it's from Nurul! To complement the situation, i also got for her a lady version of the ring. so now we both have rings which are simple,sleek,lovable, cuddly, shiny, elegent and....New.

You know something? A year ago or so, if i stepped into a lingerie shop or department, i would freeze up awkwardly. I wouldn't look at a soft toay and go, ' wow this is damn cute!' and I just could'nt cry. At present day, things have changed. I could lift up a brazier from the shelf and swing it round and round in full view of everyone in Metro without me peeing in my pants(FYI, i'm at the lingerie dept with nurul of course!). I would go 'oooooh so cute!' over a soft toy. And... I could cry. I've become soft. Should I change? HAHA. ...........

Oh anyway, I bought a Pooh plush for Nurul and i can bet that she really REALLY wanted it judging from the events that happened before purchasing it, hahah, your'e just too cute la nurul. She was really smiling from ear to ear after that.

I really don't like it when nurul puts up entries saying that she's short and fat and whatever, cause i really feel that it's not true cause after all the effort she put in, she lost alot of weight and she changed physically. I love her for who she is. And, she is really the best. For me. =D

how depressing.

2007-06-01T23:52:00.000+08:00

aaahhh who am i kidding?

i'm neither pretty nor slim, though i'm always deluded enough to believe so. probably because i make sure that i take photos only from the correct angles, but today i had a good reality shock. let me show you what i mean:

see? just your regular neighborhood short and fat girl. sigh. it's time to go back on that salad diet and 2 hour weight training regime, that's what i think!

and today i was so mad at my siblings for snatching my pooh bear away from his rightful place on my bed and playing with it while i was out. it was on the floor of my sister's bedroom when i came home!! now NO ONE can EVER touch my pooh bear again. NEVER AGAIN.

anw just to make myself feel better, here's a more flattering photo from today.
sigh. such an embarrassment, me.

ecstatic yet guilty.

2007-05-31T18:50:00.000+08:00

today was one hell of a rollercoaster ride. here's what happened in order of events:

1. it started well, with alfiyan coming over to my house to change into tshirt and jeans after a maulud event somewhere near admiralty. that was great, because it showed my parents (well my mom at least) that my darling is a religious person - my siblings even thought that alfiyan was just some guy going door to door selling kitabs! lol.

2. but then i got upset because we left the house too late for my liking such that it had started raining really heavily,

which inevitably led to my hair (which i painstakingly straighten with a flat iron every day) being ruined.

3. luckily, alfiyan did an awesome job in making me feel lots better with the best hugs and kisses and shielded me totally from the rain by stooping himself to my height such that the umbrella was right above my head. plusplus he bought me ANOTHER clip (this time with a pretty white flower) for me to bun up my messy hair. =D

4. upon reaching causeway point, we were totally disappointed when we discovered that shrek 3 tickets were sold out and found ourselves with practically no ideas on how else to spend our day.

5. but then we became happy again after deciding that we were both hungry and went to kfc to have us some chicken:

see? happy!

well at least i was. lol!

6. following that, alfiyan announced that he needed to remedy his stomachache by going to the loo so he did that, while i browsed around at metro. i started getting annoyed when he still hadn't returned 15 minutes later and this was worsened by the fact that i saw a really gorgeous Guess bag which i totally cannot afford at the moment, and that alfiyan didn't lend me his PSP so that i could entertain myself during the half hour that i had to wait.

hmm that sounds kinda silly now that i've written it down - half an hour isn't that long is it? ;p sorry baby for being mad at you like that!

7. but anw things sort of worsened after that, but eventually it all got a whole lot better with hugs (as usual) and THIS!!! (in case you can't tell, THIS is the main objective of the entry):

sooooooo cute right? it has 'bee mine' written across pooh's tshirt and a heart on its left foot. the best thing was - alfiyan actually bought it for me!!!!!!

:):):)

thank you thank you thank you soooo much sayang! you really are the very very best. i love you!

oh and alfiyan saw something he liked, too:

but he didn't want me to get it for him. :(

ok so that was pretty much how our day went. i'm thankful that it ended with such a high note for myself, though i'm guessing not so much for alfiyan since he had to spend lots of money on me. TOO much in fact. sigh.

thanks for everything you've done to make me happy alfiyan! i love you!

2007-05-30T22:28:00.000+08:00

today was spent mostly with iffah, also known as the youngest and most talkative sibling of mine. we watched the movie next on dvd for the earlier part of the afternoon, and then headed on to the library after that.

about 6pm or so we left the library to go meet alfiyan who came over to woodlands straight after work. it was his last day of work by the way, which is grrreat cuz this means i would most probably be able to see him more often and for longer periods of time now. :) anw i realise my darling is pretty popular at work - here's a glimpse of the big bag of farewell gifts he received from his colleagues:

(in the cash deposit queue to transfer money to some guy whom we bought a PSP memory card from, as a favour to fairul)

ok so after transferring the cash and buying food and all that alfiyan and i headed back to my house sans iffah since ain, my other sister, took her away when we bumped into her at cwp. so all we did at my house was just watching yo momma! on mtv, mr bean's holiday on dvd, eating cup noodles and chocolate cake and shaker fries and goofing around with those weird balloon thingies.

it was all in all a pretty okay day. alfiyan's smile made my heart beat faster the whole time, but that's nothing new is it? ;p hehe.

till then!

"Love's gentle spring doth always fresh remain."

2007-05-30T15:47:00.000+08:00

here's the thing about the future. everytime you look at it, it changes.

and because you looked at it, that changes everything else.

lightbulb.

2007-05-30T14:29:00.000+08:00

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our dark that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people don't feel insecure around you.We are all meant to shine as children do. Its not just in some of us; its in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

2007-05-30T01:28:00.000+08:00

ladies and gentlemen, this is zurah.

(in case you were wondering why my eyes look so weird, it was because i was having sore eyes that day. ;p)

and this is what she wrote on her blog:

just read jannah's blog.
alfiyan got her a ring.
lucky her.
im so happy.
and thank u alfiyan for making my jannah happy!!

see baby even my friends think you're great! how much more lucky can i be, eh? hehe.

and thanks zurah for being so sweet. :)

and this is bliss.

2007-05-29T19:20:00.000+08:00

i love to observe alfiyan walking towards me from afar, to see the spark of recognition on his face once he's spotted me amongst the crowd and the way his smile slowly emerges. i love being able to lift my inhibitions and be my true self and still be accepted by him. and i especially love the ease with which we tease and make each other laugh for no apparent reason at all. i may have spent barely two hours with my darling, but it was more than enough to keep me smiling even till now, and i know, till the next time i see him. he just makes me SO HAPPY.

this is what they call love, no?

:)

anw alfiyan and i bought new rings for each other! we've been planning to do this since ages ago, ever since alfiyan commented that our original engraved rings (from when we first got together) were losing their shine and smoothness. we went to metallurgy at the cathay and i bought alfiyan this:

while alfiyan, the sweetheart, bought me the slimmer version:
i'd like to think of it as sort of like a 1.5 yr anniversary gift to each other and i absolutely love it! of course, my gift was also intended to be a good-luck-for-ns charm as well.

thanks syg! =)

oh and today i had an interview at shenton business (located at golden mile complex, no less!) for an internship in which i have zero knowledge on - wealth management. -_-'' i'm guessing it's a lot to do with sales and i'm definitely not a sales person. luckily the managing director who interviewed me was pretty understanding and offered to come up with some basic administrative duties for me to do.

it's doubtful i'd be taking up that job offer should he call back though, since it's located in a place infested with thais, and it takes me an hour and ten minutes to reach the office. oh, well. at least i tried. lol.

ok it's time for me to go now! bye!

homebound.

2007-05-26T18:41:00.000+08:00

what do you do when you can't go out because your sister has to sit for her Malay 'O' level paper this monday and your mom wants you to be available to help her which means another opportunity to spend time with your bf before he enters ns is gone?

online shopping, of course!!! =)

so here're are some stuff that attracted me during the 4 hours of browsing at yahoo! auctions:

$8.00

$17.90

$14.00

$25.50

$35.90

$19.90

$40.00

$22.00

any sponsors? =) hahaha.

something random:

my maknenek sister.

bye, now!

more from yesterday.

2007-05-24T22:23:00.000+08:00

i didn't really get a chance to write about yesterday in detail, so i'll attempt to do so now.

first of all, a big congratulations to alfiyan for receiving his Diploma in Biotechnology!! =) i'm really very proud of him because i've been with him since he was starting year 2 and i can tell you, that shit ain't easy. and yet he made it with mostly As and Bs on his transcript.. hehe! congratulations again syg!

my feet started to hurt unimaginably by the time alfiyan, his mom and myself finished eating the food provided at the tea reception. the food sucked, btw. the only thing i could swallow without wanting to gag was the mini fruit tarts and brownies, but maybe that's just because i'm naturally sweet-toothed.

well anw about my painful feet. i think it was because the last time i wore heels was ages ago and these ones are narrow at the front, which is baaaaad for someone with such wide feet like me. eventually i resorted to removing my shoes every time we had to stand for a period longer than 5 minutes (like on the mrt, at the supermarket, etc).

ok there's not much else that i can think of to talk about actually. that's the thing about blogging a day after - lots of details are forgotten. ah, well. here's a photo that alfiyan took to teach me how to use the macro function on the camera:

pretty cool, eh? :)

oh! i forgot to tell you that alfiyan's sick. i think he caught a virus from home (since his mom's sick, too) so now he's sleeping like a baby from all the meds that he's taken. i really hope he gets well soon, though! i'm missing him so much right now.

ok that's all i guess. what a redundant entry, huh? bye, then!

sighs contentedly

2007-05-23T22:39:00.000+08:00

today was yet another awesome day to add to my list! =)

in a nutshell, much of the greatness of the day was thanks to alfiyan's presence from very early in the morning at 830am till 730pm, starting from his graduation from singapore polytechnic and ending with pirates of the caribbean: at world's end.

since i'm too exhausted to blog, i'll just show you some of the many photos we took, in sequential order of events.

1. graduation ceremony - you will notice that there aren't many photos taken of me basically because i wasn't the one graduating:

(alfiyan and his mom)

(fyp group minus daniel plus supervisor)

2. serangoon broadway, where alfiyan and i returned his graduation gown to retrieve the $50 deposit:

3. at causeway point, while waiting for the movie to start:

at this point you may notice that my hair has gone kind of haywire thanks to the drizzle and perspiration. so, alfiyan the sweetheart bought me a beautiful butterfly hair pin so that i can do this to my hair:

(food for the movie)

ok i think that's all i have for now. if i said i was exhausted earlier, right now i'm waaaaaayyyyyy too exhausted to be doing anything but crash on my bed. so more updates next time, i hope!

the same old things.

2007-05-22T20:15:00.000+08:00

although i try my best not to let my mind wander onto that subject, somehow the thought of it always creeps up on me, especially during moments of solitude. and it never fails to make me cry. which is probably why i've decided that i'm going to squeeze the best out of every moment that i have left with alfiyan before the period of being able to see him only once a week arrives.

i know i've said all these before, but i can't help myself. it's all i can think about nowadays. that, and the fact that i don't seem to be doing anything special for alfiyan anymore, it's always him making ME feel extra happy all the time. i hope i'm not turning into a sucky girlfriend or anything...

oh, well. i think this is it for now, i am having the worst period cramps ever. bye, all!

i don't want to miss one smile
i don't want to miss one kiss
i just want to be with you
right here with you, just like this
i just want to hold you close
feel your heart so close to mine
and just stay here in this moment
for all the rest of time.

2007-05-21T22:28:00.000+08:00

Yesterday night, i messed things up.

As you might have guessed, yes, i fell asleep before settling things.

Im very remorseful and regretful for what happened and its my fault.

We had a small dispute and i was very tired and so was she.

And i accidentally fell asleep. Poor baby. She was up and waiting. And waiting.

SIGGGGHS... Im VERRRY sorry baby for being sooo selfish. It's a mistake of mine, i admit to it and im sorry alright?

Hey!! but on a brighter note, We met today and spent a great time together gorging KFC Buddy meal! Heh! thing was, nurul was late coz she took the wrong train! so poor thing la cause she was in a daze from lack of sleep... But i guess Us meeting just solves everything doesn't it baby?=D

Thanks for the great dinner baby!

2007-05-21T03:25:00.000+08:00

i hate to cry.

i hate to cry, especially when it's 3.30am in the morning and there's no one to talk to.

especially since i've been calling since half past midnight and no one is answering.

what an awful end to a great day, eh? unless of course, it doesn't end if i never fall asleep and today just becomes tomorrow with no end or start.

update: alright fine i won't disturb your sleep. go sleep all you want.

a day well spent.

2007-05-20T19:55:00.000+08:00

i've noticed that quite a lot of people have set up blogs which sell merchandise ranging from pretty dresses to glam accessories. and so i've decided to do the same for mine! here are my very first two items for sale:

JUST KIDDING! hehehe.

actually the above two chains were a present from my darling alfiyan, him being the sweetheart boyfriend as usual. but before that, let's start from the beginning shall we? :)

first of all here're a couple of updates that i seem to have forgotten to write about:
1. my smart alfiyan has been accepted in NTU/NIE to pursue a BSc(Ed) degree in Physical Education and Sports Science! obviously, i'm really really proud of him. congrats baby!
2. alfiyan has finally bought his much desired white PSP, complete with a 4GB ProStickDuo memory card, and plush PSP cover.

so alfiyan and i met pretty early today (11am) at woodlands, after which we headed on to woodlands regional library to do our own things in a tranquil, air-conditioned environment. so basically alfiyan did this:

(i.e. playing prince of persia: rival swords on his psp and occasionally checking for hints and cheats on the internet)

while i, on the other hand, did this:

and this, when the words started blurring and jumbling up with each other:

(i.e. camwhoring)

hahahahah. ok so after we decided that we've had enough frustration from not being able to defeat the 'boss' (alfiyan) and from sitting on the rough carpeted library floor for too long (me), the both of us went back to my house to keep my laptop and books. theeeennn we went back to causeway point so that i could buy for alfiyan this (i would like to believe that it was a gift from me hehe):

isn't the wallet gorgeous? there's even a subtle little diamond for the bull's eye on the wallet. i absolutely love it! and i hope alfiyan does, too. :)

it was a good thing that we bought the wallet today, too, because metro was having this lucky dip event and we won a $10 metro voucher! which, considering how so many other people received only a $5 one, was pretty lucky for us.

well anw we were soon on our way to bugis, via the mrt, during which i took over alfiyan's psp to play tekken: dark resurrection - my character lili was the bomb, man! she does the most lethal yet graceful kicks ever, which is one of the main reasons why i love playing her character. alfiyan and i took turns to win the entire story battle, but i must say that he did most of the work. :p

at bugis, we devoured our yummy 80cents icecreams within minutes of buying them and then headed on to diva where alfiyan surprised me by saying that he's buying not just one, but two pendants from the store! as elated as i was, i must admit that there was a tinge of guilt in me because alfiyan keeps buying me so many things. sigh.

i do really love my 'i-love-boys' and 'angel' pendants, though! =) i even suggested that alfiyan sing me shaggy's 'angel' while he was putting that on for me, which he did, being the good sport and loveliest love that he is. i love you sooooo much syg, thanks for the gifts! :-*

ok so for dinner, we ate at tong seng. there's not much to say about it, so let's just let the pictures do the work:

following that was our looooong bus trip to woodlands on 960, during which alfiyan spent quite some time meticulously making sure his psp was free of dirt and oil (which is so typical of him, btw. lol.):

and so that was pretty much how our awesome day went. hope yours went great, too! =)

before i end off, here's a last photo just because:

ok that's all! i love you baby! =)

and now i've got a sluty bag! ;)

2007-05-18T21:57:00.000+08:00

What if you slept?
And what if in your sleep, you dreamed?
And what if in your dream, you went to heaven
and there plucked a strange and beautiful flower?
And what if, when you woke, you had the flower in your hand?
Ah! What then?

- SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE

since it's the holidays and all i've started to read again. it's been a while since i last immersed myself in a story set in a world poles apart from how i know it as, and boy, does it feel gooooood. i never had enough luxury time during the semester to indulge in such activities, and even when i thought i did, reading anything other than those on my assigned readings list or textbook often evoked a considerable amount of guilt in me. right now i'm thoroughly enjoying jodi picoult's second glance, a fiction novel which manages to fuse the elements of love, spirits, eugenics and time rather marvelously. :)

well anw, i've been doing some thinking, thanks to the large amount of free time that i have in my hands nowadays. i seem to recall from my psych revision that Piaget mentions that adolescents (a term i readily accept for myself right now) are not yet completely free of egocentric thought, and so what i've been thinking is that that i should stop being so self-involved and listen more to other people, hear what they have to say instead of being too obsessed with me all the time. this way, i know definitely that i am making positive steps towards adulthood.

or maybe i'm just macam-fahaming.

ah, well. on another note, it has come to my realization that my love for alfiyan increases with every single new day that i spend with him. relient k has done a good job in describing how i feel, actually:

and I know that its so cliche
to tell you that everyday i spend with you
is the new best day of my life.

it's always the small things that makes me so blissfully happy that breath is knocked out of me for a couple of seconds - how the corners of his eyes turns upwards in synchrony with the edges of his mouth when he smiles, his soft touch on my hair, guiding my head towards his just before we kiss, the tender note in his voice when he says that i'm the only girl he wants to be with, ever.

now this, this feeling, is something i want to last forever.

=)

again, i would like to apologize for being overly mushy.

before i end this post, i would like to say: JESVIN!! WHEN ARE WE GOING TO HANG OUT? we live like five minutes away from each other, so no excuses! hehe. besides, i miss you, you dodo bird! =)

(sings: jesvin jesvin bobesvin banana fana fofesvin...)

2007-05-17T21:48:00.000+08:00

Today was a pretty good day, maybe cause i got very few emails to reply to at work. Or! I got to meet baby right after work. Today was'nt sucha rush cause she didn't have to fetch lil' iffah from school.

Throughout the day i felt the syptoms of fever. The weak body, tiredness, sleepy, thirsty headache. Sigh, its cause MANY colleagues of mine are getting sick! but oh well, i'll eat my meds.

Just now nurul had hiccups. Bad ones really. She kept 'Hiquk! Eh hikuk look at Hikuk the sun setting! Hikuk so Hikuk niceeee!' I was laughing my ass off but i tried to stop it by shocking her a few times with my ninja jabs to her waist and screaming 'HIAAAAAAAAAAAK!!!!'

Nurul: ' ................................................. Hikuk!'
Me: -_- (a waste of my robust energy only...)

BUT! finally, after the 5th time of ninja jabs, i surrendered. Hiquk!

She's cute, gorgeous, pretty, humorous, very very kind-hearted, patient and the best girlfriend FOR ME. thats nurul. with hiccups.

Civilisation ending...

2007-05-16T22:37:00.000+08:00

Yeah 14th June... THE DAY. haha, well yeap thats the day when my physical image will instantly begin its altering course: starting from top to bottom. My hair will go. bye bye sonic, hello monk. LOL. heh, but i loike the new look i bet, cooling, but ugly-fying. hahaha anyway, i will get a new tan! YAY! Plus, i vow to improve my physical condition and earn the small bar on the shoulder. INSYAALLAH.

MOST importantly, i gotta keep my relationship strong. Yes, that's the most challenging of challenging challenges. But hey, i KNOW i can. This stressful thingy, although im quite managing it, is taking a toll on my personality nowadays, i've become sensitive, moody, uptight, selfish etc etc. THIS sucks. I gotta get control mannn c'mon.

I'm beginning to miss nurul whenever we're apart for awhile. Shit man, why is this happening? Gotta relax yan, please.

I know you ppl might be telling nurul that its alright, we gonna pull thru etc and all those comforting words, but PUT yourselves in the picture and think how you would reallly feel if your'e in nurul's situation. I bet nothing could make you feel better la.

Anyway, in there, there's only one thing i will do, that is,to just keep moving forward and get fit.heh. And, My baby here's the main fuel of my motivation. I wo'nt stop thinking bout her. And i promise I will see you (nurul/baby/syg) when i book out. Whenever i book out i will see you alright?:*

Friends of nurul, please take care of nurul when im away on that island. Don't let her get bullied and yeah, and make her feel good bout herself.

It's damn sad to think that both of us will soon be reduced to just voices over Starhub lines.

'Nuff said, this thing is making me tear too.

Oh! and one more thing, I LOVE MY(and forever will be, insya'allah) NURULJANNAH BTE ISHAK LOOOOTS!

If readers are gonna say that i sound so soft, girlish or gay or mushy, go ta hell. MYOB.

Night.

:(

2007-05-14T01:02:00.000+08:00

lately, i've taken to having my eyes tear (and sometimes even develop a full-blown cry) occasionally when i'm talking on the phone with alfiyan, reminded of the fact that THE DAY is looming nearer and nearer. i know everyone keeps saying that it'll be okay, we'll pull through it, ns is really no big deal but the fact is, all those words won't make it any easier for me (or us, for that matter), to get used to seeing alfiyan a lot less than i do now.

how much more sappy can i get, huh? not to mention repetitive. honestly, though, two weeks is a loooong time for me. :( i can't say it enough. sigh.

the good thing is, i've discovered this new website which hosts tv shows - well, not all of them - but they have Friends from waaaaay back in season 1. watching them always make me feel a ton better and works best in distracting me from counting down the days to 14th June 2007.

well ok i should get back to Friends now before the waterworks start again. good night!

some thoughts.

2007-05-11T20:19:00.000+08:00

hey guys, have you met the love of my life? =)

i don't know why but lately i've been thinking a lot of the afterlife, in terms of whether i'd be granted entry into heaven or hell. just today, alfiyan and i were having a conversation about how the pathway to heaven consists of a bridge situated a height above hell, of which those who have sinned will find very precarious (hence more likely to fall into the troughs of hell) whereas those who are pious will find the bridge to be stable and of a short distance only.

i do admit that i'm quite the sinner, starting from the most basic element of religion which is praying five times a day, moving on all the way to things like eating habits and stuff. i dare say that it's got much to do with lifestyle, with how the people around me influence the way i behave (as i am a rather impressionable person). i can't even begin to muster up enough courage to think about the punishments that will be inflicted onto me during life after death.

are all these thoughts a sign? is it time for me to make efforts towards higher levels of religiosity for myself?

sigh i don't know. it seems like such a significant course of action for me to take, perhaps TOO big of one. but i suppose it wouldn't hurt for me to TRY. i mean, i don't have to make an total 360 degree change right?

i guess i'm lucky that alfiyan has been brought up in a religious background, and still is, essentially. he'd make a good guide if i do wish to make this change for myself.

ok in more lighthearted news: ALFIYAN TOOK ME SHOPPING!! =) he bought me a whole new outfit, specially for me to use when attending his SP graduation on May 23rd (since the dress code is shirt & tie). we went to bugis street yet again, and managed to find a dress that we both liked, which was this flowery (as always lol) tube dress which has a really flared skirt. hehe. and then alfiyan also bought me a pair of heels as well as a short black sweater to go with the tube dress.

i think it's so sweet of him to want to buy for me so many things, although it does make me feel bad sometimes since i don't really have the cash to get him stuff. ;p oh, well! which is why i really hope that iras calls me SOON so that i can start earning money to repay his kindness.

hehe. well ok i think this entry is long enough for today. take care, all!

happy 17th!

2007-05-10T21:33:00.000+08:00

this was the very first photo that we took together since being officially boyfriend and girlfriend. it's been 17 months since we've been together, can you believe it? i guess time really does fly without you noticing when you're in love. =)

and i sure do love alfiyan! lots and lots. hehe.

today he surprised me yet again! during the day, baby told me that i might not want to have lunch since i'd be getting lots of sugar later on in the evening and it turns out that he bought me five (five because it's my favourite number, apparently. lol.) yummy chocolatey cupcakes!!!! i've already eaten three cuz they are just to die for!

now isn't he the sweetest?

and aren't i just the luckiest? ;)

2007-05-08T22:07:00.000+08:00

Do you wanna know the thing i like about myself? Nothing.

Physically, im unfit. My face is all pimply and buggy. Sigh, haha its kinda depressing la when i think bout it.

I wish that i could be better in appearance. I wish my face was cleaner. haha well im kinda trying my best. Im gonna do my best! Gosh i Suck.

I wonder if Nurul realises how lousy i am actually? Hmmmm... but thanks to her, she always never fail to make things better for me. That's one of the reasons why she is MY ideal girl.

And, she's mine, for all time. Insya'allah.

Good night.

<33.

2007-05-08T15:07:00.000+08:00

you can read me, baby,

like an open book.

stop me dead in my tracks

with just one look.

now when the lights go down,

and when it comes to you and me, boy,

ooh you turn me inside out.

i'm still in love with you today,

'cause you make me happy!

((:

loads of fun! =)

2007-05-07T22:34:00.000+08:00

today alfiyan and i went to east coast park!! =) cycling with him, ella, zahra and hasli was so enjoyable albeit tremendously energy-draining. alfiyan and i were always the last two trailing from the pack, thanks to my genius in deciding to wear a dress to the beach. -_-'' i had to consistently slow down to adjust my skirt!

plus today was the day it finally sank into me that i'm gaining weight, based on photos we took at the beach. my thighs, arms and body have always been generally chunky, but it's even more so now! see for yourself if you don't believe me:

oh, well. at least my boyfriend is looking goooood. hehe.

but anw. i reached home super exhausted, so it was hardly a surprise that i almost blew up at everyone to see the house in such a messy state. but me, being the understanding self that i am (ahem), just did the chores myself (like washing the dishes). the kids are lucky that they're having exams and that i value the importance of good grades. hehe.

poor alfiyan had to suffer as a result of my lethargy. :( i snapped at him over the phone for no reason at all. i'm sorry baby! i love you so much, and thank you lots for giving me a great day! =)

well ok then. that's all! bye!

2007-05-07T21:59:00.000+08:00

Blazing!!! yes, one word for today's weather.

It was very very hot. However, it was a great day for the beach! hence, resulting in me taking a full-day leave from IRAS tax crap to head to the beach with Nurul and her NUS clique. We met at 1230 and by that time the sun was at its height. In the beginning there was me, baby, ella, zahra and mr firefighter, hasli. Met at bedok interchange and headed down to ECP on 196? shit i can't even remember the bus number. =P for the first part of the busride, it was quite serene and peaceful. Suddenly, a whole bunch of Sec sch scum entered the upper deck of the bus. They were bloody bloody noisy la CAN, CAN?? k can. Sorry to say, but i think they reek of BO. I'm SO glad im outta this sec sch phase. I probably smelled like a cute pig. steam. HAHA and there was this realy cute sec sch guy who sat beside ella. Ella just could not stand his hotness till she kept rolling her eyes and smile. I told you to ask for his number riggggght? See, regret alredy.

We reached ecp and headed down to KIT RUNNERS for the rental of bikes. Surprisingly, the shop has been renovated into a new look. There's even a BK now at ecp. Damn, the Spidey big head figure i want was sold out. damn little kids. haha. KIT RUNNERS offer a wide range of bikes at different prices, $6-$12. The best thing was, you pay one hoir to get another 2 hours free! Great deal eh? pay $6 to get massive butt-aches and pay more for lesser butt aches. Anyhow, youre still guaranteed to get butt-aches by the end of the continuous cycling.

Then, we just proceeded with our main intention for the day: to cycle. me and nurul were so inappropriately dressed la for the occasion. I wore a green polo tee and she wore her black dress. Ah bagus ah tu, Amek kau peluh-peleh. haha, at the end of the day, we felt so sticky and so so warm and stuffy and sunburnt. YES. Now i have two bands of red skin along my arms. Its like dipping 3/4 of my arm in pink paint.

Zurah joined us at 330pm. We were late and poor her had to wait for us at macs. Really Sorry dudette, hey but next time dont need to raise your voice at me alright over the phone. =P

Me and nurul headed back to woodlands at 5pm via 966. OMG the aircon was faulty! we depended on the stupid aircon as a means of relieving us from the heat and there you go, SPOILT! we were literally sweating buckets ah. But we were too tired so we still fell asleep. Drooling, sweating, sigh, what a depletion of our body water eh?

Well overall it was a great day! Thanks nurul,ella,zahra,hasli and last but not least, Ms Baaaaizuraaaa for making this outing possible. haha, ok thats random. Thanks eh nurul for inviting me? love you lots!

Tired ah. K chaiooooowz.

Second attempt. Stupid site.

2007-05-06T01:20:00.000+08:00

I had a dream. No! it was more of a nightmare! And this stupid blogger site, JUST didnt wanna post my entry. I typed a previous entry describing this whole nightmare thingy. AND IT CAME OUT A BLANK ENTRY!

Its so (*%*&$ ah.

Anyway, to summarise it all up, the nightmare was about me and nurul having this really heated argument at NUS. Its cause i heard her talking behind my back to a friend(identities are confidential) and i heard her. "Why is he so stupid, such a jerk, a total ass. Always seeing his stupid face." omg, and i was so hurt and fueled by anger at the same time, so i pulled her by the hand and thing was, in the dream she was far stronger than me. She twisted her arm free an slapped me and threw a Rubbish bin at me. I woke up tearing and gasping for air. Its scary to notice that in dreams, you really feel the feelings with respect to the situation occuring in your dream. Its like its really happening. *shivers* balls drop.

I just wanted to say that Nurul always always never fails to make me happy. To make me feel better in the worst of situations. Thats why i sometimes feel that im not good enough for my darling, like my physical attributes and what i do for her. I wanna be a better boyfriend/buddy/husband. Insyallah. i love you baby.

saturday...

2007-05-05T21:44:00.000+08:00

...was boring.

i followed my mom and iffah to someplace in changi for a kenduri arwah for my grand-uncle. i guess the food was ok. thank god annur was there, otherwise it would've just been too majorly awkward and boring. plus i had alfiyan to keep me company, too, via smses! :) i dunno why but i was super sleepy the whole day, although i slept for 8 hours the night before. oh, and babyain cheered me up just by being her cute, adorable self:

my boredom got worse when i got home. :( i had nothing to do, even online, and my dad was hogging the tv to watch some euro cup soccer. at this rate i'd rather be having exams than being so bored!!

on second thought.. maybe not. hehe.

i want to go out and enjoy my holidays to the best possible extent!!!! :) oh, and i'm still waiting for a job, otherwise how to go out and enjoy right?

anw i can't wait to go out tmrw and meet my darling!

Back...in black?

2007-05-04T23:53:00.000+08:00

Exits cave. Blink. Blinks again.

Gosh, how long have i been away from blogworld? The air smells sweeeeeet!

I've decided that i wouldn't wanna waste the grand opportunity of having a joint/shared blog with my one and only Nuby. I understand that she has been reaally patient with the daily staring at my profile in the blog, but not even a single blog entry comes in from me. I really gotta stop being this foolish and ignorant. Sorry yea syg?

Today was nuby's last paper! Woohooo!! haha it's like as if i was the one who sat for the papers eh? But i cant help it what... Oh!! and today, after work... Nuby treated me to this:

Woooooot!! SP3 was really a blast! A BLAST i tell you! summore with my beautifewl Nuby in my arms,shiok shiok! I can say that this third installment is the best among the three SP movies. It has Cool, Realistic,close-up action and effects. The villain, was the Coolest one there.
Plus, Sp3's storyline was solid, and i could pretty much say that most, if not all, the lose ends were tied and concluded. Very humorous(should see how evil parker flirts and goes bout his daily life), very emotional,and Verrrry breathtaking. 9/10. Go watch it if you hav'nt done so...

BAby you have no idea how much i love you! Thank you so much for the great time, movie treat and patience and being the bestest best gf k? Oh!! ANDDD the 3 Subway cookies!! *HUGS and MUAX!* NuBy, when i get my pay, we'll go shopping alright? i Promise! ohhh... and i vow to better myself to be a better guy. i really wanna spend more time with you Nuby before 14th June alright?

Till then, stay happy ppl. good night.

*i wanna get the BK bobblehead spidey toy*

:)

2007-05-03T16:16:00.000+08:00

him, i love.

apparently i'm an unappreciative bitch.

2007-05-03T00:08:00.000+08:00

oh, well.

i'm sorry, you may think that i'm just being PMS-y (which maaayyy be true. maaaayyyy.) but i really hate the fact that someone else is being a copycat about those crumpler bags. yeah, sure, it's their right to do the same as what we told him we had planned to do but surely it wouldn't HURT for you to mention something like, 'be more original man!' to your dearest friend.

that's the second thing i hate. that you don't want to do a thing about it although it's obvious that it bothers me so much.

SO WHAT IF IT'S JUST PMS?! *makes angry, monster face*

on another note, i honestly feel that women are totally being treated unfairly in this world. our work is not valued as much as men's (in every aspect possible, even in religion e.g the al-fatihah read by men during funerals is received by God as 3 times more than that read by women) - and why, i ask you? because of some stupid gender contract which depicts men as the big ol' stronger, smarter, more rational person than the average woman.

YEAH RIGHT. i'll believe it when i see it, baby.

last paper's in a day and i've barely made a dent in my revision. heelllp.

this sucks.

2007-05-02T00:36:00.000+08:00

i hate myself for being short, fat and ugly.

want you to know you make me happy,
want you to know you make me sad...
...you are the best thing that i ever had.

oh no.

2007-04-29T19:15:00.000+08:00

it's days like today that i dread alfiyan going to ns the most.

the day starts off pretty well, since i get to listen to alfiyan's voice over the phone when he wakes me up in the morning. plus i'd still be feeling contented from yesterday's time spent with him.

i get up, go about with my morning activities (breakfast, cleaning up my room, laundry, etc.) and the first pangs of missing alfiyan hit me at about noon. and so i'd wait patiently by my hp for an sms or call from him if he said he'd be busy beforehand (which is usually the case on sundays) and i'd practically POUNCE on my poor hp every time it beeps.

the dose of love i receive from alfiyan is enough to keep me happy till 3 plus. from then on, i'd just be missing him like crazy and if i'm bored, i'd be pestering alfiyan with regular calls though i keep telling myself to let him have an easy day and catch up with his sleep. lucky for him, today i have an exam to study for so he is generally bother-free. :)

the evening is the worst. sometimes i'd be so emotionally affected from lack of contact with alfiyan that when i do get to talk to him again on the phone, i'll let out my frustation at him for no reason whatsoever. and i'd look forward to the next day when i'd get to see him again so much so that i'd get antsy and won't be able to concentrate on doing any work.

which scares me because it tells me that i can barely survive a day without meeting alfiyan. what more two whole weeks? :( to make things worse, telephone contact with him is even more restricted when he's in camp.

doesn't this entry make me sound pathetic? it's as though i can't be my own person with my own things to do without alfiyan. sigh. but that's just the way it is and i have no freaking idea how to overcome this.

someone help.

2007-04-28T22:18:00.000+08:00

my darling jesvin wrote this entry on her blog:

DENIAL STAGE

NO NO NOT ME!! MISS JANNAH NJ HERE IS IN DENIAL STAGE! as evidenced by:

ann djae:

yay! you're my best fren

-Twenteen-:

hahah this was ur sec sch line to everyone!

ann djae:

hahaha really meh!

-Twenteen-:

yessss..lets recap:

JESVIN UR MY BEST FREN

AYUNI UR MY BEST FREN

KHAIRUL UR MY BEST FREN

IGNATIOUS UR MY BEST FREN

TT SHORT ITE GUY CANT REMEMBER HIS NAME UR MY BEST FREN

TT RUGBY ITE GUY CANT REMEMBER HIS NAME ALSO UR MY BEST FREN

ann djae:

WHERE GOT!

this was her classic act cute line to flirt wif guys n eermm girls? haha

she also denies being MR RATISH FAV STUDENT!! she ahem ahem ahem..i shall not complete tt sentence..hahah attending all his lessons..completing all his assignments FIRST! looking at him allllll the time..hahah!! remember anything jannah..or u want me to say more..hahah

A SPECIAL SONG DEDICATED TO JANNAH'S BEST FRENS (SO CALLED)!!!

but i beg to differ. i don't say it to flirt with guys OR girls kayy! ;p maybe only with jesvin la since she sat beside me in class. hehe.

and i'm definitely NOT mr ratish's favourite student, in fact, he never really taught us, except for remedials and stuff. so how can i be right? hahah nonsense la jesvin!

anw you guys should go view this:

bleargh.

2007-04-26T08:32:00.000+08:00

the exams are taking a toll on me. i am feeling majorly exhausted like never before - my muscles are refusing to work and all i want is to settle myself into my soft, comfortable bed, sinking into the oblivion of sleep.

but noooo i can't. i have two papers today, at 1pm and 5pm respectively. which i've obviously not studied enough for since i had another paper yesterday at 5pm, which means that i reached home only at 9pm!!! this sucks.

thank god for alfiyan and ella and zurah, though. if not for them, i'd probably already go crazy from the stress.

ok then i better get back to trying to answer past year exam questions for MS 2210. wish me luck, everyone!

it's time.

2007-04-19T19:29:00.000+08:00

the time that i have dreaded for the past year or so has arrived. :( alfiyan has finally received his ns enlistment letter, which states that he must report somewhere in pasir ris on the 14th june 2007, to bmt school 2. and you know what that means - he's been posted to the army.

sigh. and i was really hoping that he'd get posted to police instead since i'll probably be able to see alfiyan more often. oh, well. the good thing is that i've always thought that army guys are way hotter than those in police or CD so i can't wait to see my baby all handsome and macho in his uniform. hehe.

from now on, i will try my very best to avoid picking a fight with alfiyan at all costs and instead, to make the most out of the one month plus that we have left before ns starts. plus i musn't get upset too easily and even if i do, i musn't prolong the argument even after alfiyan has apologised.

PLEASE REMIND ME.

oh btw this is the other dress alfiyan bought me. :) sorry that i'm so vain hahah.

in other news, my beloved macbook is temporarily out of service because my power adaptor is faulty! which is absolutely the WORST timing ever because all my notes are in the laptop so how the heck am i supposed to revise for exams without them? let's just hope that the IT Co-op gets back to me soon so that i can print out my notes.

we are strong enough, i know we are.

another great day!

2007-04-15T19:50:00.000+08:00

today was yet another awesome day with my darling! ;)

we met early in the morning just to spend time with each other talking, listening, hugging, kissing. words are insufficient for me to express just how special that moment was with alfiyan, and just how much i love him. which is a lot, by the way. some photos:

in one of the dresses alfiyan bought me. :)

orchard rd was our next destination, where we did some window-shopping. it was pretty okay, i guess, but i was happy just having my fingers interlinked with alfiyan's or having his arms around me, oblivious to everyone else.

and then we headed on to fish & co, as promised. the food couldn't be any more delicious, and the company was even better. i was full halfway through the meal but made sure i finished every bite of it because it was, after all, sayang's treat for us. some photos:

way too much food.

the big-ass drink called jungle freeze.

before sending me off to my doorstep, i received a tight tight hug and a light kiss on my forehead and the sweetest, most heartfelt apology, for everything that's hurt me throughout our relationship, bringing tears to my eyes instantly.

alfiyan really is the best guy i've ever met. despite whatever we've been through, and all the nonsense that we've put each other through, the bottom line is, HE ALWAYS MAKES THINGS RIGHT. which is something i treasure a lot about him, and shows me that he really does love me as much as i love him.

argh the tears are back.

it's been such an emotional day, i think i'll go rest now. bye, all!

happy day!

2007-04-13T22:12:00.000+08:00

today alfiyan brought me out shopping! :):):)

and he bought me two pretty girly dresses. hehe.

one of which must be worn with jeans, though, since it's too short and hence will reveal my trunk-like thighs.

i'm a happy girl again!

heeeeeee.

:(

2007-04-12T21:49:00.000+08:00

CAN SOMEONE TELL ME JUST HOW EXACTLY AM I SUPPOSED TO ENDURE NOT SEEING ALFIYAN FOR MORE THAN A WEEK (2 WEEKS DURING CONFINEMENT PERIOD OF BMT) DURING HIS NATIONAL SERVICE WHEN RIGHT NOW I CAN'T EVEN TAKE NOT BEING WITH HIM FOR LESS THAN 24 HOURS?!?!?!?!?

:)

2007-04-10T11:11:00.000+08:00

ok so i was browsing through the photos in my macbook and i came across this:

my darling classmate, lim pei yiing, back from the awkward JC days actually drew this anime portrait of me! isn't she the sweetest? and extremely talented too!

i miss her. :(

GUESS WHAT ALFIYAN DID FOR ME?? :):)

2007-04-09T19:02:00.000+08:00

this has got to be the best monthsary EVER.

today during his lunch break he went all the way to orchard road, with fairul and nasir, in search of a very very nice present for our 16th anniversary. he had to go to a total of FOUR outlets (in a span of 45 mins!!) before finding it, apparently it was sold out at almost all the outlets - except the one at Isetan!

and it's just what i wanted - A GUESS WALLET!

hehehe.

i know it probably doesn't look like much from the photos, but, like i said, it's just what i wanted! and my sweetheart yan was just so thoughtful and romantic to surprise me with it right at the moment when i met him at novena.

heeeeheeeeeeeee. i'm a happy girl, yes i am. :)

byebye old, kiddy wallet!

you're simply the best.

2007-04-06T00:32:00.001+08:00

tonight i made alfiyan write me a testimonial on friendster over the phone since he isn't able to do so personally, thanks to his PC crashing.

and sweetie (as befits the name) was so sweet to actually go along with it and dictated to me the sweetest things. and it had the same effect, if not better, on me as during the instances when i was surprised by his testimonials.

have i mentioned it lately?

i love muhd alfiyan so much cuz he's just the best.

bleargh is this blog getting too mushy? but it has always been too mushy so why should i start caring now eh? hahahah.

sorry.

i know it gets boring, but I LOVE YOU BABY. :)

2007-04-05T20:21:00.000+08:00

today at the free nkf health screening at nus forum, i found out for sure that i am 61.1 KG (6 kg overweight), have 31.4% body fat content (1.4% more than the healthy range) and have a blood cholesterol level of 229mg/dl (29 mg/dl higher than desirable). I HAVE HIGH CHOLESTEROL LEVEL! which MEANS that there can no longer be any breadtalk, four leaves, q bread, big cakes etc treats for me. and no deep fried foods as well. the nkf person said that for a young person, it is rather worrying so i better keep closer watch on my diet. :(

but anw. the earlier part of the afternoon was spent with ella and zahra, who brought me to the science canteen. it was my very first time can you believe it? after almost a year studying at nus! the malay food looked really tempting but since i was supposed to make sure my money can last me till the end of the month, i restrained from buying anything. after which we all went for that health screening, leaving me in this state of resentment at myself. hahah.

then my darling alfiyan came over to join me at perk point (he only went to work for half a day) to prepare for his MOE/NTU/NIE interview for admission to BSc(Ed.). :) i think it's sexy of my boyfriend to want to become a PE teacher. hehe.

i kept getting whiny at the every slightest thing today, and you know what that means! the dreaded PMS has arrived, though it seems like just yesterday that it went away. luckily alfiyan, being the bestest boyfriend as usual, laughed it off, during the moment when i was whining to him about why he stopped wearing the ring i bought him about a year ago. apparently the way i was pms-ing was very comical, since it was such a minor issue. hahaha. plus he persisted in making me feel better by continuous hugs and kisses and he even bought me a kitkat chunky white, my alltime favourite!!

he's so sweet right?

such elation. :)

2007-04-04T21:31:00.000+08:00

today has got to be the most awesome day that i've had in a long long time. :) and there is only one underlying reason for this: that alfiyan was willing to skip a day of work (and hence money making) just to make me the happiest girl around. hehe.

i met him early in the morning at tampines interchange to accompany him to get his haircut - that surprisingly took only a very short while, and costed less than $10 too! i wanted to get a haircut myself, esp to make my bangs thinner but i am so broke at the moment. :( oh well.

and theeenn we went all the way back to woodlands's causeway point to catch a movie - TMNT! it was such a short movie, but luckily we had to pay only $12 for both our tickets (weekday + student rate). silly alfiyan showed the usher movie stubs from the movie we watched on sunday (shooter) and all that usher could say was, "thank you, and enjoy your movie." hahahah. just goes to show how attentive the cathay cineleisure staff are!

well anw while waiting for the movie to start we did this:

FAAAAT.

so fun right??? hehe. i love my boyfriend so so much!

yes yes i look retarded thanks.

2007-04-02T21:03:00.000+08:00

yay my darling just said that he'll be taking the whole of wednesday off from work to spend the day with me! :):):) we're going to have such a great day with great plans lined up.. heheh.

i love you, alfiyan!

please.

2007-03-31T15:26:00.000+08:00

to everyone who's been reading this blog and somehow has a twisted image of how our relationship is like currently, please stop all your witless thoughts and know this. alfiyan is the best boyfriend (as i have mentioned in this blog countless of times), any girl could have ever wished for and that will never change despite all the downs that we've been through.

if i do blog negatively about my darling, do try to squeeze as much of the little brain juice that you have (i do deeply sympathize for you. really). understand that this blog is just an outlet for all my frustrations during the short periods that i am unhappy with him. isn't it, after all, normal for relationships to have their ups and downs? unless, of course, you are stupid enough to think that YOUR relationship is always perfectly happy. hah! your partner is probably screwing your best friend behind your back.

your judgmental attitude is just a reflection of how immature and naive you are, for not knowing that there are always two sides of a story and that this is just MY point of view. so please, think critically now and then. but oh, wait. maybe you just aren't capable of such intellect?

and never try to use what i write in this blog to bring alfiyan and i apart because our relationship is too strong to be shaken by such a minor thing (despite what all you imbeciles have been discussing about us going to break up soon enough).

anw baby, if you're reading this, know that you're the most awesome, sweetest and thoughtful guy (as well as sexy heheh) that i've ever met in my entire life. and i love you sooo much! =)=)

2007-03-30T22:39:00.000+08:00

oh no! my poor baby just called saying that he is locked out of his house and to make matters worse, his hp battery is flat, which means that he couldn't call any of his family members! so he had to walk all the way from his house at jalan tenaga to bedok reservoir looking for a payphone, after which he called me.

so poor thing lah he. :( i wish i could've been there to give him a giant hug and to accompany him whilst waiting for his family to return home.

an all-in-all good day.

2007-03-30T22:06:00.000+08:00

james morrison's the pieces don't fit anymore is just so sad.

today i spent much of the earlier part of the day with ella, which i found very refreshing and fun compared to my usual solitude whenever i am in nus. :) but, as always, i felt damn selenger (as i always do whenever i am in the company of cool people) cuz i was so conscious of whatever i was saying and even more so when i couldn't get my words out properly.

i wish i was more self-confident and cool. hahah. oh, well. i guess some things aren't meant to be.

anw, alfiyan and i finally had a proper dinner date after god knows how long! :):) we totally splurged (more so for him) at pastamania, and it didn't end there. after we gobbled down our cream chicken and marinara, we went over to mos burger to get some of their fat chunky fries (which leads to fat chunky me? hmm..). but it was all worth it because i could be in my darling's company for much longer than usual. heheh. i love him so much lah, seriously.

some photos!

baby with his cream chicken.

me with marinara. :)

with contented smiles.

okay that is ALL! bye!

i am bored, this is what i do.

2007-03-29T15:52:00.000+08:00

2007-03-29T02:11:00.000+08:00

ok i was wrong, it is worth it.

ARGH KNNCCB.

2007-03-29T01:43:00.000+08:00

as great as the happy moments can be,
sometimes i feel that they're not worth it compared to how painful it is when things go awry.

a positive change.

2007-03-20T20:36:00.001+08:00

okay, it's about time this blog had some cheer and laughter! :):)

today started off pretty rocky for me, beginning with me having inadequate sleep. i was also resentful of the fact that alfiyan was too tired to talk to me a bit longer the night before, but eventually it died down, thanks to my darling's patience and love in pacifying me. i love him so so much lor!

well anw throughout the whole day i was still pretty sad thinking about how the time spent with alfiyan will be lessened to a large extent now but our evening together made up for everything! first of all, he bought me this really cute cookie in the shape of a smiley face which made my face literally light up:

then, he sacrificed going for his religious class just so we could enjoy each other's physical presence and company much longer than planned. it was really sweet of him and such a pleasant surprise for me! and so we decided to have waffles at gelare, since it's half price tuesday, which were so yummy. :)

SEE:

and this is my handsome alfiyan putting his money away:

after which alfiyan walked me home right to my staircase and we shared numerous hugs and kisses which i found very enjoyable. hehe.

hoping.

2007-03-19T23:49:00.000+08:00

i know i'm probably imagining things, but i'm getting this vibe that he doesn't love me as much as he used to. here are some of the reasons why:

1. me gaining weight, turning me into a jack black look-a-like.
2. increased exposure to my monthly pms which never fails to cause him to hate me
3. him finding other areas in life in which he obtains more pleasure from
4. him feeling too controlled by me in that he is obliged to always have to sms or call me. - this is pretty true, lately i notice that he won't do so spontaneously or out of his own will, often i have to prompt or whine or grumble at him just to get him to call.

i guess i really should stop being too dependent on him, it's making him all rimas and if i don't ease up, he might just want to swat me away like the annoying fly i am.

i wish i had a best friend still.

so what's new?

2007-03-19T12:04:00.000+08:00

hmm.. my family and i spent our weekend over at novotel clarke quay again for reasons i fail to grasp. so what if we get to stay in a hotel room? there's no privacy and not enough beds for everyone to have a good night's rest. and most importantly i can't talk to alfiyan as leisurely as i'm able to in the comfort of my room (which has time and time again resulted in dissatisfaction and arguments between the two of us).

and because of our stay also, i have gained even more weight, adding on 3 or 4 more layers of fat on my already fat-laden body thanks to the buffet dinner and lunch that we had at the hotel's coffeehouse. sigh.

we also went to vivocity where i bought a new polka-dotted skirt (which i now realise may be something that i may not be able to pull off after all) and a pair of proper sandals (as opposed to the "bathroom" slippers that i usually wear). i can't wait to work and earn money to buy all the nice expensive stuff that i desire to own, like that Guess handbag, wallet, Papillio slippers, etc.

in other news, alfiyan has just started his temporary job at IRAS, which means i can only see him for a couple of hours each day during the week. the weekends aren't all that much better either since right now alfiyan will be busy preparing for a maulud ceremony in which he has to initiate the reading. as proud as i am of him, the prospect of not being able to spend as much time as i want to with him has sort of pushed me into the realm of melancholy.

but oh, well. what else can i do but just get used to it and make the most out of the little time that we'll have with each other?

just thinking about the time spent apart from alfiyan is making me miss him already. :( i love him so much!

well ok i better go concentrate on my sociology lecture now. later!

p.s. i realised that most of my entries nowadays are rather depressing. i guess the only times when i feel the need to blog is when i'm in such a state, and especially regarding issues that i do not wish to discuss with anyone else to avoid conflicting opinions from causing arguments.

bye, then.

2007-03-09T00:24:00.000+08:00

yayyy i'm feeling better now, thanks to my darling (as usual)! =)=)

i love mohd alfiyan so so very much.

HUGS!

2007-03-08T23:50:00.000+08:00

highlighted below are the PMS symptoms that i am experiencing: psychological symptoms irritability nervousness lack of control agitation anger insomnia difficulty in concentrating lethargy depression severe fatigue anxiety confusion forgetfulness decreased self-image paranoia emotional hypersensitivity crying spells moodiness sleep disturbances fluid retention edema (swelling of the ankles, hands, and feet) periodic weight gain oliguria (diminished urine formation) breast fullness and pain gastrointestinal symptoms abdominal cramps bloating constipation nausea vomiting pelvic heaviness or pressure backache skin problems acne neurodermatitis (skin inflammation with itching) aggravation of other skin disorders, including cold sores neurologic and vascular symptoms headache vertigo syncope (fainting) numbness, prickling, tingling, or heightened sensitivity of arms and/or legs easy bruising heart palpitations muscle spasms other decreased coordination painful menstruation diminished libido (sex drive) appetite changes food cravings hot flashes so, i'm very very sorry if i get on your nerves because i am not my usual self. i hate PMS.

highlighted below are the PMS symptoms that i am experiencing:

psychological symptoms

irritability
nervousness
lack of control
agitation
anger
insomnia
difficulty in concentrating
lethargy
depression
severe fatigue
anxiety
confusion
forgetfulness
decreased self-image
paranoia
emotional hypersensitivity
crying spells
moodiness
sleep disturbances

fluid retention

edema (swelling of the ankles, hands, and feet)
periodic weight gain
oliguria (diminished urine formation)
breast fullness and pain

gastrointestinal symptoms

abdominal cramps
bloating
constipation
nausea
vomiting
pelvic heaviness or pressure
backache

skin problems

acne
neurodermatitis (skin inflammation with itching)
aggravation of other skin disorders, including cold sores

neurologic and vascular symptoms

headache
vertigo
syncope (fainting)
numbness, prickling, tingling, or heightened sensitivity of arms and/or legs
easy bruising
heart palpitations
muscle spasms

other

decreased coordination
painful menstruation
diminished libido (sex drive)
appetite changes
food cravings
hot flashes

so, i'm very very sorry if i get on your nerves because i am not my usual self. i hate PMS.

and one is left.

2007-03-08T23:19:00.000+08:00

alfiyan has decided that blogging is not for him (obviously, judging from his absence *rolls eyes*). so i was contemplating whether this blog should be deleted (since nobody comes read it anw) and just create a blog of my own, but i decided against it because i'm just too lazy to go through all that length because of this disappointment.

but anw whatever. i can't force him to do everything i want him to because i don't own him or anything. i do still love him very much still, though. :) don't anybody get that wrong! lol.

on another note, i feel extremely fatigued nowadays. and PMS-y. so what's new eh? i hate this PMS experience, it always drains the energy out of me and makes me so, so, so depressed about myself and every single random thing. and the closest person to me, alfiyan, will always be the one to feel me wrath and it's making him hate me more and more with each passing month.

okay updated news: alfiyan has given me the green light to remove his account for this blog, so perhaps i'll just create a new blog after all. sigh. i feel depressed. and now alfiyan is saying that i keep making him feel sian by bringing up the issue of him not blogging anymore since he says he'll blog only when he feels like and that my PMS is getting out of hand. there's only so much he can take, he says.

i want to beat myself up to death, i swear. i hate my extended PMS every single month because my period is always, always late. why can't i have regular periods so that the duration of my PMS is shortened?

i hate myself.

2007-03-07T01:08:00.000+08:00

this is me:

A BITCH.

2007-03-07T01:03:00.000+08:00

i hate all of this. i'm sick of it. please stop. we're both lacking enough sleep already as it is.

pleaseplease stop.

i don't want it to end. i'm afraid it might. it's becoming too much to handle.

but i love him so much.

i want it to be forever.

bitter aftertaste of dreamgirls.

2007-03-03T23:03:00.000+08:00

shit i think i need therapy.

i have an extremely negative body image, which, despite unrelenting effort from alfiyan, doesn't seem to improve.

thin and pretty = success.

fat and short (aka me) = failure.

sigh.

short update.

2007-02-22T23:31:00.000+08:00

ok this is just gonna be a short one since i'm rather exhausted from lack of sleep and being out all day. organised in small bites for your reading ease:

my poor baby's computer has crashed which means he can't chat with me on msn or do friendster stuff (haha i always make him write me testimonials for fun) or blog.

i am seriously becoming increasingly addicted to reading hollywood gossip. i devour every single morsel of information about the likes of britney spears, lindsay lohan, anna nicole smith and all those other bitches wherever i can find it. usual sources would be perezhilton, pinkisthenewblog, mollygood and tmz.

I HAVEN'T STARTED CATCHING UP WITH MY READINGS YET! ARRGHH.

which obviously means i haven't even made a DENT in any of my outstanding assignments. eek i am so in trouble.

okay that's all i can think of off the top of my head.

oh oh! today my darling alfiyan went all the way to nus from kembangan (where he had a maulud to attend) to spend some time with me and then sent me home, after which he went all the way back to kembangan again for a manaqib.

now isn't he just the sweetest to go to all that trouble and inevitable exhaustion just to make me happy?

there's no doubt about it -
alfiyan is definitely the one and only for me and i love him super duper a lot! :):):)

2007-02-18T19:19:00.000+08:00

"I was just about to tell you. That I love him. I do! I love him and I don't care what you think. I love him for the man he wants to be and I love him for the man he almost is. I love him, Laurel, I love him. I love him!"
- Jerry Maguire

all smiles from nj. :)

2007-02-17T20:06:00.000+08:00

this:

plus this:

makes me one happy happy happy girl today. =)=)=)

today my sweetheart yan came all the way to woodlands to surprise me with pretty flowers: three roses and a carnation. there was a happy valentine's day rose, happy 14th anniversary rose, and an i'm sorry rose. so so sweet right? oh, and he bought the carnation because he thought it would remind me of him (it kind of looks like his hair lol) and it does! it was such an awesome surprise, and i couldn't stop grinning idiotically all day.

he also presented me with a beautifully handmade i love you card, and i was literally brought to tears upon reading whatever was written. alfiyan's the best boyfriend any girl could ever wish for, and i feel so blessed that i'm his girlfriend.

i love you baby.

oh, and happy chinese new year to everyone who's celebrating it! :)

dixie chicks - not ready to make nice

2007-02-17T00:51:00.000+08:00

Forgive, sounds good.
Forget, I'm not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,
But I'm still waiting

I'm through, with doubt,
There's nothing left for me to figure out,
I've paid a price, and i'll keep paying

I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should

I know you said
Why can't you just get over it,
It turned my whole world around
and i kind of like it.

this song would be just perfect for how i was feeling throughout the day. thank god, though, that i'm feeling much better now so it doesn't really apply to the present. but i just thought i'd put up the lyrics here anw cuz i kinda like this song. :)

btw, to those who haven't already known: i lost my hp AGAIN! :(:( so please please pass me your numbers k? the person who took it shall rot in hell! s/he had the cheek to divert my line to some woman's who apparently had nothing to do with the theft. such idiocy.

i love my booboo!

2007-02-17T00:06:00.000+08:00

i can say without a doubt that today was not one of the best days i've had.

in fact, this whole past week had been more or less shiteous.

i dunno whether we'll ever be the same again, and yan agrees too. it all started from me whining and grumbling about valentine's day (or lack thereof) starting on the eve of 14th feb, all the way till today with only short intervals of lighter feelings in between the dark gloomy moods. i probably got a tad too carried away with the whole thing but somehow i just can't lift my feelings of jealousy and upset whenever i find out about other girls' experiences.

i know, i know label me an ungrateful bitch. yan's done so much for me yet i can't let the freaking thing GO.

sigh. i'm really sorry, baby. you've been nothing but the best to me and i love you so, so much.

well anw.

i don't think i've ever felt this sad in my entire life.

mixed emotions.

2007-02-14T22:18:00.000+08:00

my parents went on a date at swensen's before my dad sent my mom to work.
ain received an enormous box of merci chocolates, plus tons of other stuff.
iskandar received an anonymous rose, slotted under his desk at school.

i didn't really have a valentine's day. after staying up arguing with yan till 5am the night before, i practically had to drag myself out of bed this morning. i guess i shouldn't blame or resent him for how i feel now, because his parents did specifically remind him not to celebrate valentine's day due to religious reasons.

i just can't help feeling sad, you know? it's hard to brush it off because all my life (before meeting yan), i was always insanely jealous of all the girls who would receive flowers, chocolates or teddy bears on this proclaimed day of love, and i absolutely hated myself for being fat and ugly. i would wish that i had a bf who would make my valentine's a special day for me.

it's extra hard to tell myself that it's really no big deal, that love can be celebrated anytime of the year and not just on 14th february, when everywhere i turn i see girls holding huge bouquets of flowers or chocolates or large stuffed toys. and they're muslims, too. it's not fair. :(

oh, well. the day's over anyway. there's no point in brooding over it anymore. i'm hoping that next year things would be different, but i dare not hope too much for fear of being disappointed again. besides, yan will be in ns by then.

and i did have a pretty good time today. yan surprised me by saying that he would walk me to school (though in the end i ditched class anw) and buying me a chocolate donut and apple bun. in addition, he did want to buy me something from one of those booths selling valentine's day stuff but everything was too expensive. even so, the fact that he actually did want to do that made me happy, i guess.

i guess i should be thankful that at least i have someone to love me. plus i was reminded by yan that he does buy me gifts randomly throughout our relationship so that counts for a lot, too.

i still love him very much.

okay i should go now. hopefully i'll update again soon.

p.s. i'm still feeling pretty down.

2007-02-01T15:48:00.000+08:00

everybody all together now:

*heaves a huge sigh of relief*.

everything is fine and dandy now, thank god. :) i love alfiyan so so much.

will update properly later, my cramps are killing me.

bye!

a further update.

2007-01-27T19:27:00.000+08:00

it occurred to me that i totally forgot to update about one of the highlights of my week: meeting jesvin after like, a gazillion years! :):)

i felt really bad cuz i could only meet her at like 8plus at night after first saying that i could do so earlier. ;p but i'm lucky that she's really understanding about it all, despite the fact that i took her away from her zee tv programmes. sorry jesvin!

anw while waiting for her at the shop n save entrance, there was this bangladeshi worker who crept me out so much with his incessant staring! plus he kept following me - when i entered the shop, he entered with me and couldn't stop staring with those beady eyes and when i went out to another shop he was there too! it was so scary, but luckily there were a lot of people and i had my darling yan and jesvin (for the later part) accompanying me. :)

then when jesvin arrived that same guy re-appeared again from around the tent and we started gesturing towards him with our umbrellas (in an attempted menacing manner lol) but apparently he thought it was all a big joke. *rolls eyes* so jesvin and i moved away from that area to talk somewhere else! hehe.

it was so great to hang out with jesvin, although it was only for about 10-15 minutes. i miss the old times in secondary school, i remember always laughing with her on lots of occasions! but anw. i'll be meeting her again real soon, when alfiyan's done with his exams and all. i'm positive the two of them will hit it off really well because they're both outspoken and good-humoured people. and they're also two people i love. hehe.

well ok that's all i wanted to say! it's almost time for that well-anticipated soccer match on home ground btwn s'pore and m'sia. bye, all!

absolutDrift.

moved!

you're the brightest star in my sky.

an attempt at a proper update.

i have the best friends.

baby i miss you.

from underneath the stars...

how much?

love/hate relationship with weekends.

day/night.

so near yet so far.

:(

(:

tsk.

bittersweet weekends.

TGIF

:(

homemade pizzas part 2.

a pretty good day.

randomness arising from little quantum fluctuations.

4 weeks down, 8 more weeks to go! (:

homemade pizzas!! (well, sort of).

i'm yours - jason mraz

all excited!

ouch.

book in day.

momentarily content. =)

The Diary of How I Survived 2 Weeks Confinement - Day 12

The Diary of How I Survived 2 Weeks Confinement - Day 11

The Diary of How I Survived 2 Weeks Confinement - Day 10

The Diary of How I Survived 2 Weeks Confinement - Days 8 & 9

The Diary of How I Survived 2 Weeks Confinement - Day 7

The Diary of How I Survived 2 Weeks Confinement - Days 1 to 6

how depressing.

ecstatic yet guilty.

lightbulb.

and this is bliss.

homebound.

more from yesterday.

*sighs contentedly*

the same old things.

a day well spent.

and now i've got a sluty bag! ;)

Civilisation ending...

:(

some thoughts.

happy 17th!

<33.

loads of fun! =)

Second attempt. Stupid site.

saturday...

Back...in black?

:)

apparently i'm an unappreciative bitch.

this sucks.

oh no.

bleargh.

it's time.

another great day!

happy day!

:(

:)

GUESS WHAT ALFIYAN DID FOR ME?? :):)

you're simply the best.

i know it gets boring, but I LOVE YOU BABY. :)

such elation. :)

please.

an all-in-all good day.

i am bored, this is what i do.

ARGH KNNCCB.

a positive change.

hoping.

so what's new?

and one is left.

bitter aftertaste of dreamgirls.

short update.

all smiles from nj. :)

dixie chicks - not ready to make nice

mixed emotions.

a further update.

sighs contentedly